Welcome back to another edition of TWIBS! Apparently losing in Boston this week was just as contageous as the flu virus that funneled its way through the Red Sox clubhouse. Let’s get to it.

BOSTON RED SOX

The Red Sox just had their worst week of the season for sure. Losers of the last five straight, swept by your AL East-leading Tampa Bay Rays (btw I credit their uncharacteristic success to the exorcism of “Devil” from their name this past offseason)- not to mention the flu bug that tornadoed through the clubhouse, forcing a number of young “not ready for primetime” players to take the spotlight. Actually, that’s not fair - the young guys turned in gem pitching performances all week long, only to be squandered by non-existent run support and a bullpen that needs to dig the 2007 World Series ring out of its aging and flabby ass (Papelbon’s brick of a butt excluded). The entire team could use a B-12 shot followed by a Nyquil chaser.

Varitek was one of the Sox flu and stomach virus casualities. Trust me when I say you don’t want to know what happened when he split for this bunted ball.

TWIBS! “Don’t Blame These Guys” of the Week:

Justin Masterson, one of Boston’s touted rookie prospects, had his major-league debut against the Angels on Thursday. Masterson’s stuff was “MASTERFUL” (Gee, I didn’t hear that about 1100 times this week)- two hits and one run allowed through six innings, but the shit-ass bullpen blows the lead and they lose 7-5.

Clay Buchholtz had another strong outing this week against the Rays - 3 hits, 2 earned runs and 9 strikeouts through eight innings, but the bats were sleepy and complaining of swelling knee bruises, so they lose 2-1. Clay’s got some sick movement on the ball, and he’s starting to grow into a dominant force on the mound. The picture above is evidence of his recent 9-foot growth spurt.

Josh Beckett hurled a great performance against the Rays today, allowing 4 hits and two runs while recording a personal-best 13 Ks, but it wasn’t enough to avoid the sweep as Tampa’s James Shields pitched a two-hit, complete game shutout. Sox lose again 3-0. Josh was so disgusted with the terrible run-support that Terry Francona had to burp the puke out of his mouth when yanking him.

All week long the only starter in the rotation that didn’t bring it was the consistently-mediocre Jon Lester, who should get bumped to the pen because he’s only good for one pitch and two innings per appearance. Oh well, tomorrow’s a new day and these guys will shake the “exhaustion” blues soon enough. Just drink some flat ginger ale and crunch a few saltines, ya big pussies!

BOSTON CELTICS

The Celtics continue first-round playoff action against the Atlanta Hawks, and after three they lead in the series 2-1. That shouldn’t seem like the end of the world to Boston fans, but the C’s Game 3 clusterfuck performance has popped our beloved invincibility bubble, and the delusional thought that they were going to waltz through the opening-round matchup with ease is now out the window. The Hawks are young, pissed and they successfully rode the crowd’s energy to a comfortable 102-93 victory over the boys in green. Game 2 at the Garden was a cake-walk for the Celtics, even though their teamplay was fairly uneven, but Game 3 was weird from the get-go. Things really took a turn for the worse when the stadium’s faulty shot clocks forced the refs to have the PA announcer manually count the posession time out loud (you know, in between screaming an Atlanta DE-FENSE chant) - it was at this point Celtics were officially up shit creek without a paddle. Too much adversity and distraction seemed to affect the unpenetrable, calm and confident Boston squad. The C’s need to go back to the drawing board for Monday’s Game 4 in Atlanta, and they’ll have to reestablish that unselfish, team-first mentality that has got them this far in order to advance without suffering too much damage.

Kevin Garnett received the Defensive Player of the Year award prior to Game 2 at TD Banknorth. Like the classy giant he is, KG invited the entire team out to share the prize.

After his pathetic Game 1 performance, Mike Bibby shot his mouth off and accused every Celtics fan this season of being a bandwagon jumper. I’ll admit I jumped on myself, but that was after 5 games into the season, and I’ve practically watched every game since. If anyone’s going to call us bandwagoneers, it will be us and us only. But Bibby had to eat his words when a pissed-off sell out Boston crowd heckled his every move, and successfully took his presence out of the game.

Boston fans almost had a triple bypass when Josh Smith fell hard on Pierce, forcing him to leave the game for a good amount of time. Luckily, Paul was OK and rebounded from a tweaked back to finish the game strong.

Josh Smith, Al Horford and Joe Johnson all turned it on bigtime in Game 3 to embarass the Celtics. Horford showed no respect, flaunting and jawing at the Celtic veterans throughout the game. Somebody bitch-slap this obnoxious rookie please!

Josh Smith absolutely took over Game 3 with 27 points and 9 boards. Perk, buddy, it’s only one loss - no need to cry over spilled milk, little guy!

Game 3 was a real wake-up call for Boston. Doc took off their scheduled practice in order to watch 90 minutes worth of ugly game film to break down their breakdowns (specifically on transition defense).

Actually, I can’t remember if Doc punished them with 90 minutes worth of game film, or 90 minutes of the 80s basketball blockbuster TEEN WOLF for inspiration. I just hope Thibs and Doc can really beat the “there is no ‘wolf’ in team” mentality in locker room in time for Monday’s Game 4.

BOSTON BRUINS

Well, Game 7 came and went against the Canadiens last Monday. The Bru’s had to play in a hostile Montreal stadium against a team that had to win or else they would have all been castrated. With that sense of urgency to avoid utter embarrassment, the Canadiens rose to the challenge and handily beat the Bruins 4-0 to advance in the Cup playoffs. Rookie goalie Carey Price looked sharp, stopping the few shots fired his way for the shutout. B’s goalie Tim Thomas didn’t have his best game, and ultimately folded under Montreal’s relentless pressure. The young forwards created scoring opportunities, but couldn’t close the door on one, and that will always end up in a loss. That’s been the biggest knock against this fairly young team - there’s no one who is automatic and can really light games up by himself. Fans that came out of the woodwork for a moment to pay attention to this series have voiced optimism for the B’s future, but I say they need to sign a shutdown goalie and a serious playmaker in order to do anything in the next five playoffs. Oh well, it was mildly entertaining to pretend to care about these guys for 3 seconds. Until next year Bruins- now you’re free to do as much ice-fishing as your Canadien and Eastern European hearts desire!

These Bruins are officially in hibernation mode. Too bad Timmy jumped the gun and decided to sleep during the Game 7 disaster.

Montreal fans were so elated not to lose to the #8 seed and long-time rival Bruins in the first round that they chose to riot after the series clincher. Talk about rowdy assholes- what did that police car ever do to them, huh!

Boston’s captain Zdeno Chara played with poise and delivered some hard blows against Montreal this series. But like the rest of the schlubs, his efforts were too little, too late.

The injured Patrice Bergeron was at the Garden this week to clean out his locker, but since suffering a Grade 3 concussion months ago, he hasn’t been able to locate it.

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS

The NFL draft took place this weekend. Some fans treat the draft like a major holiday, as it’s a great excuse to throw a random day-party in April each year. After the Pats superbowl disaster, I promised myself I wouldn’t pay much, if any attention to the offseason (let alone the upcoming season). Personally, I watched about five minutes total- enough to witness the Pats trade the #7 pick to New Orleans for the #10 and a third-rounder. Fib-achick and Scott Pioli were in their element once again, wheeling and dealing their way down draft boards in a seemingly weak draft class. Given the talent available, the Pats seemed to have faired well by addressing their immediate needs on defense. They picked Tennessee ILB Jerod Mayo with the #10 slot, and continued to focus on linebacker and cornerback for the remainder of the draft. An intriguing late third-round selection occurred in drafting San Diego State quarterback Kevin O’Connell. Backup QB Matt Cassel is up for free agency after the season, and I don’t foresee the Pats holding onto him too tight. Belichick is grooming a solid #2 for the future, and rightfully so. Time will tell how this draft class does, but when your defensive average age is 36, it wasn’t a bad idea to stock up and infuse some youth into the system.

Drafting Jerod Mayo left NE fans scratching their head, but Bill and co. claim he was high on their board, and will be another versatile piece to his interchanging 3-4 scheme. They need a guy who can fill gaps in a hurry, and without the aid of a Rascal scooter.

Get ready for a long offseason chock full of clever Mayo puns. The Herald has already used every working definition of Mayo three times in their headlines already.

Bill was candid and open when discussing the success of this year’s draft on Sunday. Maybe he’s turned over a new leaf given the mounting league pressures around Spygate.

TWIBS! QUIB OF THE WEEK:

The Globe’s Nick Cafardo got a one-on-one interview with Manny Ramirez’s newly-signed agent Scott Boras this week. Scott credits Manny’s offseason training and early success to a new outlook that he himself helped Man Ram come to realize. Boras got technical in describing the turn-around, but in short he told Manny to get off his ass and actually pay attention to baseball given his ability to solidify a legacy while playing four more years and making a shitload of dough in the process. Manny likes money and would prefer to be remembered as one of the greatest hitters ever (compared to his current status of greatest clown ever). Here’s to Scott Boras, evil superagent and mind control artist of the stars!

Boras is a master of mind games. Scott switched the rules and told Manny that he’d buy him ice cream after each game ONLY if he performs well. Given that incentive, Manny’s a shoe-in for the triple crown.
______________________

Well, I hope Boston sports can rebound after a hardluck week. Can’t win them all…unless you can, and that should be the goal for 2008 starting with the Celtics! Unleash the Wolf!

I’m in casting this week on the sketch comedy showcase, and will do my best with postings but ask that you bare with me as I’m swamped for free (what’s new).

Pugs and kisses,
Brento

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Hey mom. Glad you decided to visit my site again, considering you’re its only reader.

This is a picture of me and my mom that time we were Asian women.

Today’s post is a short and quick one. We just started casting on our sketch comedy project running in June, and the next two months will be filled with a lot of rehearsal and other time-consuming excitement. To your dismay, I won’t be able to write my normal novel-length posts which you find oh-so fascinating.

On to today’s oldieo!

BOSTON MEMORIES is the first piece I ever shot on film. It’s a 2 1/2 minute portrait of the city I schooled in and grew up near. I scrambled to put the project together as a present for my Dad’s birthday in October 2001. I love making creative presents for family members, and I tried to make this one extra-special for my big-lug-ova-pop.

My father Bobby lived in Boston when he was 17 years old for a few years before meeting Ma and enlisting in the service. He shared an apartment with a few buddies in the Fens, and I still recall stories he told of being able to watch Sox games from his living room window- frankly, I love to picture my father roaming the city as a youth. Considering I was about the same age he was when living in the same area, I decided to shoot my own “Man With A Movie Camera” Boston city-scape to evoke memories of old. I dragged J-Raff out of the dorm to be my cameraman as we bounced around the city one afternoon making this project for my pop.

This is a picture of me and pop on the set of IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY

BOSTON MEMORIES was shot on a 16mm bolex film camera I had purchased before any production class or real shooting experience, and needless to say it looks like something produced by a clueless kid. I had the option to either buy a digital camera or a 16mm, and decided that it was important to learn where film came from before blindly jumping into the digital era like so many other doofuses (doofi?). I bought the camera off ebay for a few hundred bucks- it was a Sweedish bolex with a viewfinder that provided a skewed view of the captured image. Translation: I couldn’t properly see the frame before filming, so I had to guestimate (oh fun memories!). After the camera, I purchased my first light meter for 11 bucks. The thing was from the 1960s and couldn’t register a reading if it were within 10 feet of the Sun’s scorching gases.

My first meter closely resembled this model from the 1960s. Aside from faking light readings, it also doubled as hair clippers or a police dispatch radio.

Having equipment in hand, I bought a 100-foot daylight spool of B&W positive to shoot on. I didn’t have any access to an editing bay, so I had to be content with an in-camera edit (meaning whatever I shot, I must live with). I don’t think I loaded the film in the camera correctly, hence the annoying flashes of overexposure running throughout.

So with these obstacles to hurdle, J-Raff and I pranced around town filming iconic buildings and landscapes the best we could. The little blip moving across the majority of the frames is me. My objective was to create a moving time capsule- something that would remind my father of the city, while capturing images of me as a youth in Boston. Who knows, maybe this site will somehow still exist when I have kids, and they can watch their pop running in an homage to his pop.

Anyway, fond memories of this one. I rushed out a print in time for my father’s birthday, but originally had to dub it to VHS and separately play a music track (A Bill Lee original piece from his son Spike’s SHE’S GOTTA HAVE IT) on CD out of an old boom box. The music in this clip is a random jazz song tacked on for web posting- the original score was much more nostalgic and cool. A nice birthday present, a fair attempt at my first project on film, and good memories of a little snot running around his beloved city with a movie camera.

…NEXT WEEK’S OLDIEO will kick off a series of posts of my last project shot (*cough* 2006 *Jeez!! coughcough*)- a comedy pilot presentation reel I wrote and directed, starring my old pal Garrett Morris.

35 years later and the man hasn’t aged a day. It helps that he looked 65 when he was 20.

Talk to you soon, thanks friends!

Yours truly,
Brent Christo

Another week, another shitload of Boston sports news. Let’s get to it!

BOSTON RED SOX

The Sox had a damn fine week winning 6 of their 7 games played. Their only loss came in the first of a two-game series at the Bronx, and have won 3 of 4 against the Rangers this week. They go for the sweep early tomorrow- an 11:15am start at Fenway due to the Boston Marathon.

If you’ve never experienced a Marathon Monday in Boston, you’re sorely missing out on one of the truly great days in New England. I’ve spent many a marathon grilling on a friend’s porch on Beacon Ave., drinking a cold beer while overlooking the last leg of the marathon pass by below. The weather is normally pleasant, college kids smell the home stretch of their school year, girls finally shed layers of winter clothing - what’s not to love!

Running a marathon is one great life goal to check off your list. It’s right up there with “knock out a cougar in one punch”. I’d actually love to run one (love, minus the nipple bleeds).

Don’t even bother running, just give the title to Robert Cheruiyot already. Somebody buy a bunch of segways and send them to Kenya please.

Back to the Sox- Manny Ramirez has been tearing the face off the baseball. He’s hitting .338, 6 homers and 20 RBIs, incredible stats for a guy who is accustomed to slower starts. Manny went yard twice on Mussina in Yankee Stadium, then launched a towering bomb in late innings to deliver a win over the Rangers. The Sox have won four in a row by late inning heroics, and Manny has played a laarge role in those W’s.

This is Manny during his offseason training last year. He really buckled down to crack some bat early in this quasi-contract year.

Kyle Farnsworth got suspended for three games due to throwing behind Manny’s head later in the Mussina loss. The pitch could have caused major brain damage to Manny (that is, if it ever made it past his fortress of hair), but Man Ram wasn’t angry with Farnsworth and labeled the play “defending his teammate” (referring to retaliation for plunking A-Rod the game before).

Farnsworth said that the pitch slipped out of his hand. Yea, well try whispering that in Manny’s ear when he’s in a coma at Mass General.

Manny wasn’t upset with Farnsworth’s murder attempt. Too bad he didn’t shrug off the called third strike Sunday against the Rangers- he most likely wouldn’t have been tossed. Eh, the man deserved an afternoon nap every now and then!

Big Papi has snapped out of a slump with his biggest hit of the week coming against the Rangers- a grand slam into the monster seats in an 11-3 win. He’s hitting the ball harder and getting more comfortable with his new knees and stance.

Ortiz finally figured out what he needed to do to snap his slump: suck the soul directly out a small dog’s face.

THE TWIBS! OBITUARIES

Mike Mussina hasn’t had a start longer than 3 innings in a few games, has a 6.00 ERA, and was placed on the 15-day DL when a young infant sneezed near him. I think his career might be over and the Yanks can have fun filling that gap in the rotation.

Mike Timlin has had some real rocky appearances out of the pen so far this season. He already single-handedly blew a game or two, and is really showing his age (which is 64). That’s a picture of Mike and his lovely wife Dawn.

Frank Thomas is a 19-year MLB veteran. He was released by the Toronto Blue Jays today after a conflict over playing time earlier in the week. The Big Hurt has been one of the best power hitters of the last 50 years, and will probably end up on somebody’s roster soon enough. Frank claims no ill feelings linger between player and club, as his departure is just part of the business. But it’s glaringly obvious to me he’s a little hurt on the inside (Bah dump CHA!)

One final Red Sox note- touted rookie prospect Jed Lowrie has appeared as a utility infielder a bunch this past week. Jed’s smashed the crap out of any ball within 15 feet of him I kid you not. If Lowrie can keep it up, he’d most likely replace Lugo at SS as the season progresses. He goes 2 for 4 with a double and a run scored in every outing!

From boy to slightly larger boy. Keep smackin’ rook.

BOSTON CELTICS

So the C’s coasted through the final games of the regular season, with their bench destroying teams by 20. Pierce and KG both claim that the team wouldn’t be anywhere near as cohesive without their pre-season trip to Rome.

I don’t even want to know what a cappuccino cup looks like next to Garnett’s 8-foot skull.

This weekend kicked off the NBA playoffs, and the first round match-ups are pretty incredible. Here are some quick thoughts after game one in each series:

- Suns/Spurs 2 OT performance was an instant classic. This series is decided in the final possession of game 7.
- Lakers are SICK. Pau Gasol is the reincarnation of Spanish Jesus in the NBA. Kobe hasn’t even turned it on and they beat the Nuggets in 5.

- Dwight Howard is going to dominate this league for years to come. Magic over the Raptors in 6.
- Pistons/76ers will be an annoying 6 or 7 game series for Detroit, but ultimately their talent will get their shit together. Fluke first game loss.
- Hornets/Mavs is decided by the hand of Chris Paul, who decided to join game one in the 2nd half and put on a clinic.
- Jazz/Rockets - who gives a fuck. Jazz in 4.
- Cavs/Wizards should be a slug-out, but LaBron could just sink 35 every night and run away with it. Cavs in 6.

And that brings us to our beloved Boston Celtics.

The C’s should run all over the Atlanta Hawks, but young talent like Joe Johnson and Al Horford, coupled with the playoff experience of point guard Mike Bibby could cause us some unexpected problems.

I decided to take a crack at doing a running blog while watching game one of this series. I don’t know if it works or not, but I wanted to give it a try just like the somehow-still-relevant Sports Guy.

Running Blog of Celtics/Hawks Game 1:

8:34pm - Damn TNT is staying with the Pistons/76ers instead of cutting to the start of the C’s. This is a friggin close game - I tend to agree that this series might go deeper than Detroit anticipates.
8:37pm - They’re holding the C’s game until the end of the Pistons/76ers. Damn straight! This game better not go into overtime, that would just be obnoxious.
8:44pm - 76ers lead by a bucket with 11.3 left. Pistons have a chance to tie or win. Wallace bricks it!! Philly goes to the line - AI (Iguodala) hits both foul shots - 4 point lead with 7 to go. FINISH THIS ALREADY - GOOD, THANK GOD!!! Philly 90-Detroit 86, 76ers take the 1st game.
8:48pm - TNT cuts to the C’s - 9-2, 8:43 left in the first. Wooo! Pierce hit two three’s off the bat, yee haw!
8:52pm - KG hits a mid-range - lead is by nine. How much do you love that 6-8 ft jumper by Garnett. So automatic!
8:54pm - Pierce hits his 3rd three!!! A catch-n-jumper without a thought. Truth be told!
8:56pm - Hawks’ Joe Johnson hits a little roller for two, and Ray Allen runs the floor and splashes the answer. Too bad the Celtics traded Joe so early in his career- just like Chauncy Billups, Delonte West and every other 2nd starter in the NBA. C’s by 9.
8:58pm - ROONNDO! 3-4 moves in the paint for a beautiful bucket. Atlanta forced to call a time out - C’s 23-Hawks 11, 4:46 1st.
9:00pm - Leon Powe gets rejected by Smith, who runs the floor and drains an easy lay-up. UGLY. C’s missed the last 3 field goal attempts. Gettin a little sloppy boys!
9:05pm - I just realized that I despise every TNT original show. Kyra Sedgwick is ugly and old. I almost hit her with my car once. I totally should have.
9:07pm - We’re not looking too good in the paint. The Hawks are swarming the lanes, good stuff - 26-19 C’s. KG with his second early foul, POOP.
9:09pm - 26-21, Hawks on an 8-0 run. Atl is KILLING the C’s in the post. Cut it OUTTT.
9:11pm - Smith is rocking a pho-hawk. He stole that look from Big Baby, that copycat shithole.
9:13pm - Sam “E.T.” Cassell is already in this game. Doc is trying to mix shit up - buckle up! The C’s are playing real sloppy to close out the 1st.
9:14pm - Rondo hits an acrobatic shot that doesn’t count, but sent to the line with 2 seconds left in the first. Bad turn over by Atl, C’s have a chance with 2 ticks on the clock. Good inbounds but Pierce bricks it. 29-21 C’s to close out the first quarter.

Interesting adjustments by both teams, and mediocre performances by most of the C’s thus far.

9:17pm - Beginning of the 2nd, and I hate TNT’s production of this game. Offensive foul against Pierce for his 2nd, this game is a little too close for comfort. Pierce is grabbing his knee - WHAATT? Stay healthy please.
9:20pm - C’mon bench!! - 29-27 C’s. No baskets in the last 12 possessions - Wake the fuck up!
9:22pm - KG hits his little jumper - take this one over Kev!
9:24pm - Tony Allen grabs the offensive board and puts it in. Doc is throwing the book at this game to see what sticks. I don’t blame him, people gotta get going already! I really like the bacon club chalupa commercial for Taco Bell. The spikey blonde guy’s delivery on the girl’s bacon aroma is priceless.
9:28pm - E.T. for three! Big basket - C’s by 7…then his bricks the very next possession. Damn it, ET, go home!
9:33pm - TNT reports that PJ Brown and Sam Cassell are two of the three oldest players in the league. But then Cassell just hit another three, so let’s go ya old timers! Cassell out, Rondo in. Let’s infuse the youf! 42-31 ‘C’s. Btw KG’s got three fouls, not great.
9:38pm - Al Horford pisses me off. He’s playing a good game thus far for Atlanta, I just don’t like him or those Florida national championship teams. Jo Kim Noah is a large piece of shit too. 44-35 C’s with 3 to go in the half.
9:40pm - Joe Johnson lays a 3 to shorten the lead to six…then POSEY splashes a three to take some air out of that run. I am not a huge fan of the team they’re running right due to foul trouble.
9:42pm - Pierce has 13 to lead the C’s. 49-38 C’s with 1:08 left in the half.
9:44pm - Commercial outro with KG - he is sooo intense. Anything short of a championship is defeat says Kev. I AGREE!
9:45pm - Joe Johnson hits another jumper - 9 point Celtics lead. These Hawks are young, squirrly and dangerous. 21 ticks left in the half.
9:47pm - Pierce throws the ball away with 3.7 left, but the Hawks can’t execute the buzzer-beater. 49-40 Celtics at the half. Not fantastic - Al Horford and Joe Johnson are making a difference in this game.

Let’s hope for some halftime adjustments by assistant coach and defensive specialist Tom Thibodeaux!!

10:10pm - We start the 3rd with a Ray Allen turnover and then a steal. Allen can’t put it away, but Perk is right there to finish strong. C’s by 11
10:12pm - Hawks are bricking A LOT of shots early in the third. Garnett loses a size 37 shoe - anyone seen it?? C’s force to burn a TO. 53-40 C’s
10:13pm - Biiig Dunk by KG to reply to Horford’s decent game. The Hawks are still dominating in the paint, I am not in love with that.
10:15pm - Allen is flopping alll over the floor right now. He’s struggling with the shot, mind as well draw some fouls!
10:17pm - Allen splashes a three! When he just receives and releases without thinking, he’s fun to watch.
10:19pm - Our inside defense doesn’t match up so well against these kids. But Ray Allen drains another three and hits the last 8 Celtics points!
10:21pm - Make that the last 10! Go Jesus Shuttlesworth!
10:23pm - KG bricks what would have been an incredible dunk. Can’t slam ‘em all! He’s got to reestablish a rhythm.
10:26pm - So wait, what is drama? Oh yea, TNT IS drama.
10:29pm - Rondo’s air ball leads to a GREAT Perkins block for the redemption turn-over. He dishes to Rondo, who runs the floor and redeems himself with a pretty field goal.
10:31pm - Rondo hits another jumper to score the last six, take command Raj! Kevin Garnett’s intensity scares the shit out of me. It scares the shit out of my shit. End of the third, 73-55, Celtics by 18.

10:37pm - I really want a shot at producing my own stadium announcement/jumbotron control. Some of their crowd cheer tac-tics are tac-ky. Every time the Hornets make a basket, their announcer does the Ric Flair “WOOO!”. EVERY TIME.
10:41pm - KG’s back in the game. Let’s light ‘em up and put it away!
10:43pm - KG hits that mid-range shot like Kristy Yamaguchi farts out a double-axel. Celts by 20 with 9:10 in the 4th.
10:45pm - Johnson and Horford each have 15. KG hits a 3-footer for 16 in the game. 80-60 with 9:00 left.
10:47pm - House of Payne, My Name is Earl, Bill Engvall, Frank TV - TBS, you disgust me with your Middle-American demographic megaopoly.
10:50pm - Cassell with another three. This team spreads that ball and the old timer is having a good game off the bench for sure.
10:51pm - Mike Lowell, Big Papi, Dustin Pedroia, Kevin Youkilis, John Henry all in attendance. Sox and Celtics are sportstown pals. Coooool.
10:53pm - KG with 16, Ray Allen 8, Pierce 13, Rondo 15. Leon Powe power dunks on top of Smith for a 22 point lead! KG is screaming right in Leon’s face as they go to commercial. Goddamn these guys rock! 91-68 Celtics with 5:53 left.
10:56pm - Mike Bibby is out with an aggrivated knee or something - his shot has been off all night anyway, not a great night.
10:58pm - Horford with a double double 20-10. Good night for Al - C’s by 20 with 4:08 left.
11:00pm - KG needed an official’s time out so he could get blood bleached out of his jersey. A pregnant pause fills the heads of all New England fans. Posey with a nice steal and a lay-up, even though the crowd prematurely reacted for a slam dunk (fools!). Celtics by 23, their biggest lead of the game.
11:02pm - BIG BABY is in the game as KG leaves the game with 16 points, 10 rebounds. The chant MVP echoes throughout the arena. Pierce also exits the game with 16 points. The crowd chants NOTHING.
10:05pm - Big Baby misses a jumper he shouldn’t take, then gets a crap foul. The Doc is barking at the Baby.
10:07pm - Tyler Perry sold his people out. So did Bill Engvall. If I was forced to pick a TBS icon to represent my demographic, I would pick the spikey blond-haired Taco Bell guy.
10:08pm - Doc Rivers is featured in the embarrassing 80’s Hawks music video “Atlanta Airforce”. It makes the “Superbowl Shuffle” feel like a grammy winner.
10:10pm - Tony Allen makes a nice move on the Hawks B-team for an And 1. 99-75, Celtics by 24 with 2:08 to go. Tony, Tonie, Tone.
11:12pm - The benches are playing each other at this point. Powe drives the lane and slams it home. The Celtics sideline is cracking up at how easily this series began. Eddie House hits an exclamation three, 104-77 with 1:30.
11:13pm - The B teams are flopping the ball all over the floor. 21 ticks left.
11:14pm - It’s a final - 104-81, Celtics over the Hawks by 23.

Game 1 Leaders:

Ray found his stroke as the game progressed. He will be a huge factor for the rest of the playoffs for sure.

Ray Allen - 18 points
Kevin Garnett - 16 points, 10 boards
Paul Pierce - 16 points
Rajon Rondo - 15 points, 9 boards, 5 assists

Horford finished with a nice 20-10 game, and Joe Johnson had 19. Those two are dangerous, but they need a third to step up if they want to make this series marginally closer.

Fairly good execution as the game progressed. A little sloppy at first, then the Cs turned it on and started defending and hitting buckets all over the floor. Everyone took turns running the show, and they ran away with it with ease. Game 2 Wednesday at 8:30pm on TNT, where “drama happens“. As in the “drama” of the Celtics winning by 30.

Pierce, Rondo and KG are trying to entertain themselves in this sleeper of a series. The three wise men are coming after you and Kobe, Gasol Christ!

The running blog coverage was fun but I probably won’t be doing it again anytime soon, phew!

BOSTON BRUINS

OK I know I was fairly negative about the B’s last week, and since then they’ve won 2 of 3 to force a game 7 in Montreal tomorrow night. I watched most of their last game, and it was a barn burner for sure. Tim Thomas is looking so-so in net, but Canadians rookie goalie Carey Price has looked a pretty shaken since giving up a bad goal to make the difference in game 5. After being benched the first three games of the series, Bruins rookie Phil Kessel has single-handedly taken the fate of the franchise over with speed, tough play and accurate shots on net. Who knows what happens tomorrow night, but if the Bruins could somehow pull out a victory and knock off the #1 seed, it would be fairly shocking news around the NHL.

Phil Kessel is living up to his hype at the best time possible. Keep it up for one more kid, and you’ll be a Boston darling for a while.

Listening to Tim Thomas post-game press coverage is the most painful thing to put yourself through. Let’s just say he’s not the most polished camera presence. “Uh, well, ya know, uh, I think we do…I think we did an, uh, good job and you know. We uh, we won I think and uh, well then there’s another game to play someone told me and, uh….

I’ll pay attention tomorow, but winning three straight against Montreal, and in Canada is one tall order.

BTW, talking hockey- I sort of didn’t include BC’s national hockey championship in last week’s TWIBS!, so I must give them a quick shout for such excellence. Being from BU, BC’s recent hockey success is a little bitter pill to swallow, but the Eagles officially join the ranks of a college dynasty with this title.

BC’s Nathan Gerbe was the tournament’s MVP and is a pretty sick Junior sensation. Well done Boston College.

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS

The NFL draft draws near and Bill Belichick talked draft strategy earlier in the week. Apparently there are no good players they’re interested with the #7 pick, and will most likely deal down if possible to get some late-round chump change. I say just draft McFadden if he’s somehow there and have one killer, young backfield! Eh, I still don’t care what they do come draft, my heart requires about 5 to 38 more years to recover from their last loss.

TWIBS! FIB OF THE WEEK:

Miguel Tejada’s true age was outed on ESPN’s hard-hitting action news series E:60. Tejada begins to freak out in the middle of an interview when ambushed with his official berth certificate from the Dominican government. Insted of 31 turning 32, Miguel is actually 33 turning 34. The guy just signs a new deal with the Houston Astros this past off-season, and in an instant lost two years of youth and longevity on that contract haha. I think the omitting of true age plays a huge factor with the rest of his MLB career, and coupled with the steroids accusations, Miguel Tejada comes off as the class-A douchebag-of-the-week.

Tejada’s rookie card. He’s actually 29 in this photo, but don’t tell that to the Astros front office.

Danica Patrick wins her first career victory at the Indy Japan 300 today. This is her first win since entering professional racing in 2005, and the first ever for a female driver. If she wasn’t such a temper-tantrum-taking, bitchy tom-boy diva I’d probably be a little happier for her.

She looks like she’s whining even when she wins. Enjoy that one victory because you ain’t doing that again any time soon honey!

Well that’s about all for this week. Keep an eye out for Bruins/Canadians game 7 on Monday, the Marathon, and Celts/Hawks game 2 on Wednesday. Best of luck to the Sox on a tough homestand, and keep slammin’ hard Manny!!

Monday Movie Mania could be as good as replaced by TWIBS! because…let’s face it, I like dishing about my hometown teams a lot more than I do my present-town crappiness. That is, unless you guys want to me keep up with Movie Mania, and if that’s so please email or post a comment to potentially revive. I don’t care either way, it’s your world!

Talk to later in the week and goooo Bayside!

Best,
Brent

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Bonjour, good Thursday to you.

Today’s oldieo is keeping true to this week’s sports theme. BOTTOM OF THE NINTH is my unfinished five-year-old opus that was never fully realized for a number of reasons. Seeing footage from this short pains me, but also forces me to crack a smile now and then. The backstory for this one is epic, so let’s begin.

IT WAS THE SUMMER between junior and senior year (yes ray.com, the “Summer of Summers”) and I was on top of da wohuld. RONNIE BUNUEL was the last thing I shot, and I felt pretty comfortable with my progressing film experience. The first part of the Summer was spent primarily with ray.com, T-Brady and Marc Andrade. Every single day the three of us went to the gym, played basketball at the old high school court, then ended up over Lt. Richards’s house for beers, cards and other mischief. It was your classic, lazy-guy summer o’ fun with some good old boys…

I was working production jobs here and there, and gaffed freelance where and when I could. An industry friend was producing a feature in Rhode Island in July and August, and she asked me to jump on board to light the thing. At the time it was a fairly big deal as it was to be my first feature as a gaffer, starring name talent, working with a known DP, etc. I originally got involved with freelance production to gain experience and meet creative people in New England (all 6 of them), but at this point gigs for me had morphed into a money-hunt; I was more concerned with my next paycheck than the love of the game. I mean the school year before, I was cutting classes to work fairly prestigious jobs for such a young kid, so needless to say I was riding a high and not really caring where it took me…

I get a call three days before principal photography in late July: the feature gets bumped back to September/October ‘03. I am fairly devastated. A big gig and huge opportunity for experience flushed down the drain. In good conscience I couldn’t skip the first two months of my senior year for a small indie feature, so I was left depressed with a wide-open August.

I’m in Bellingham moping around the house when my Dad smacks some sense into me. He reminds me that my goal in life isn’t to become a working gaffer, but to write and produce my own chuckly crap. I begin to agree, and he tells me to get off my ass and use my free time to shoot a killer short. His mini pep rally works, and all of a sudden I’m in pre-prod on a 35mm sports/art short that I haven’t even written yet…

IN A THREE-WEEK SPAN I finish a script with my old pal Federman, land a producing partner, cast 8 principals, 40 extras, 15 crew, land a 35mm camera, film stock, a 5-ton grip truck with HMI package, book a baseball field, and oh yea a 30-foot crane. I think about that now and wonder why this same d-bag has problems filing taxes with 2 W-2s. As far as the production value, I was and still am very proud of what I was able to throw together for 2500 bucks, a wing and a prayer.

Principal photography arrives. We have three days to shoot a complicated day/night 13 pg script. Let me take a moment to provide a quick logline as to better understand the premise. I wrote this for Dennis Lemoine’s website about four years ago, so I’m plagurizing myself:

BOTTOM OF THE NINTH (or 8 1/2 Innings) is a surreal, coming-of-age story about the pressures a young boy faces to succeed in the little league championship. The work is an homage to Federico Fellini’s 1963 classic 8 1/2.

Sounds pretentious, no? My balls were just a little bigger back then, what can I say.

Our first shoot day was a complicated crane shot a la the opening to 8 1/2 with the traffic jam. A really challenging set-up day, so we’re already behind right from the get-go. The next two shoot days are spent running around a baseball diamond with a ton of little leaguers. At the end of back-to-back 16-hour days, I addressed the entire production. It’s 1:30am Monday morning, and I’m practically in tears thanking everyone for their dedication and hard work. Like I said, it’s really impressive the amount we accomplished in such little time, and that experience alone inspires me to keep drudging along, no matter how rocky the path.

TRAGEDY STRIKES: The shoot leads directly into my senior year film and production studies at BU. First semester would prove to be my biggest and final film project at BU with FRANCO MUST DIE. I met Dennis Lemoine on a Harvard short film, and I knew I had to work with him as much as possible. I cast him as “The Coach” in BO9th, then again as “Franco” - something about his dry, smug wit that is so biting. The guy understands funny, bottom line. So I knew Dennis going into my baseball short, but hadn’t met CJ Sheppard until I noticed him on set a hilarious little league extra. CJ was constantly fighting for camera time and cracking good punch-lines left and right- it was obvious early on that this kid was an untrained start in the making. On BO9th, Dennis and CJ had great chemistry as Coach and Coach’s Lacky, so I decided to reunite them a month later for FRANCO.

Boy meets man, falls in love…

Starts a comedy franchise…

We’ve talked all about FRANCO, and school and partying took over my life 2nd half of senior year, so my plan for BO9th post-production was to have Nolan Reese, my future roomate in LA cut it together for me. He was on board (and still claims he’s on board 5 years later) to cut it once we moved out and were settled in, so it was a back-burner thing until then.

Fall 2004, one year since shooting the project with nothing to show for it. Nolan is beginning to despise working on my small projects in post at this point, and is generally too busy to attend to it. 2005 rolls around, and we decide to take a crack at cutting it. We find that 1) large parts of the storyline are missing from the unexposed can that was inspected, x-rayed and ruined at the airport, 2) there are major sync sound issues that are going to screw the rest of the project, and 3) Nolan is intimated by the workload and ultimately puts off the project (minus a few clips like this one posted) for…ever.

So five years later, and all I have to show for this project is a few strung-together clips and a bunch of soundless dailies. The final product wouldn’t have been anything mind-blowing, but still given the time and effort put into it, I feel it’s a real letdown not to have something half-completed. People have asked me about it over the years, and I run circles around any real answer - my laziness; my lack of finance; I’m surrounded by laziness; too little too late. So my homage to Fellini’s 8 1/2 turns into his unrealized Voyage of G Mastorna - the white whale of a project that somehow escaped him for over 40 years.

Now you understand why I smirk and cringe when watching this clip. It reminds me of a goal half-realized- I have way too many of those in my life, I really don’t need another. But then again I had a wonderful time running around like a madman, schmoozing, creating useless business, and befriending a great bunch of humans along the way.

Let me close with a fond and goofy memory from the shoot:

During lunch break of day two, all of the little leaguers gathered for a pick-up game of baseball. I’m pounding a sandwich and have a ton of things to do, but somehow I’m coaxed over to the baseball diamond for a quick at-bat. Mind you that the closest in my life I’ve ever come to organized baseball was when I quit on the first day of little league because it conflicted with my piano lessons (something I held against my parents for years, but thank them for now). So this at-bat against this heat-chucking 12-year-old was like my debut at Fenway or something. I step in the batter’s box wearing a really tight helmet to face off against this little pudgy ace. He blows his first two pitches by me for swinging strikes, and now all the parents and kids are laughing it up because the writer/director of a baseball movie is about to strike out in embarrassing fashion. I take a moment aside in an attempt to conserve any strength and dignity I have left, then ready for the third pitch. The kid hurls another fastball and I launch it deep dead center field into the trees out of the park. It…was my first homerun ever. So I’m mildly freaking and enjoying my gallop around the bases, feeling like a big man who just took some kid yard. The parents and crew are all laughing, yet mildly disturbed at how elated I was to hit a dinger. Not-so-secretly one of my favorite moments from the shoot haha.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the fragment from BOTTOM OF THE NINTH. This August will mark the project’s five-year anniversary, and I haven’t come close to that size of production since.

Maybe one day soon I’ll smack a dinger again…

Thanks for reading if you did!
#6

Hi there! Welcome to another week of RAC. I feel as though the bond forming twixt you and I is best summed by the poetic hit TV theme song As Days Go By from the unforgettable series Family Matters:

As days go by…
we’re gonna fill our house with happiness.
The moon may cry…
we’re gonna smother the blues with tenderness.
As days go by…
it’s the bigger love of the family.

I had no clue the moon had the option to cry. Learn something new each day!

I hope the grand total of $2.6 million was worth a lifetime of torment and seclusion for actor Jaleel White.

Say, that reminds me of a good Fenway Park story…

I remember I bought a scalped RF bleachers ticket for $10 to a shitty Sox vs. Kansas City Royals game one day after class. I just so happened to be sitting two seats away from the lone Royals fan at Fenway that night. He was dressed to the nines in Kansas City apparel, wearing a cap, headphones and giant dork glasses. Anyway one inning KC had a minor burst of run production and this guy who had been on the receiving end of a lot of Fenway razz (those drunk a-holes) decided to give it back to the bleachers and proudly cheer on his team. I don’t care who you or your team is, if you’re outnumbered at Fenway, especially in the bleachers, you’re in for a world of pain. This guy turned around and taunted the fans for a micro-second, then got pummeled with the loudest and craziest verbal abuse I’ve ever heard a braintrust of New England fans ambush someone with. People were throwing wrappers, empty bottles- this one masshole to my right stands up and starts the crowd chant “Urkel!! Urkel!!” (a la hazing Daryl Strawberry with Daaryl!). I swear to you that it was louder than any “Yankees Suck!” chant I’ve ever heard. This Royals fan happened to closely resemble Steve Urkel, so it really hit home. I remember sitting there and watching the pain and anger burst out of his neck veins as he silently counted to five on his hand repeatedly. AND THIS WAS A MEANINGLESS SOX/ROYALS mid-season game! Talk about a shameless fanbase (to which I am loyal member…)

At least Yankee fans have other shit-starters to back them up at Fenway. Poor Urkel! Take a look at this photo: hovering above is the same negative aura-cloud that sparks world wars. Mind as well have been The US Rednecks playing The Iran Shia-sluggers at Fenway.

I rant about my hometown sports because today I kick off a new category on the RAC called TWIBS! or This Week In Boston Sports!

Baseball was my first love as a child (c’mon, in Beantown you’re born into it) and I recall many a weekend rushing to our television in order to catch Mel Allen recap the previous week in MLB on his hit show This Week In Baseball. The theme song, the 80s sports video montage, the old school presence of Mel (God rest his bones)- the show had a magnetic air of sports electricity to it.

Mel Allen could witness a gang-related triple-murder in a dark alley and he’d still belt “HOW ABOUT THAT!” and walk away.

I plan on this post being a Sunday wrap-up, but I feel like launching it today. Anyway, on to TWIBS!:

We start with the…

BOSTON RED SOX

After taking the rubber match last night at Fenway over the dredded Yankees, the Red Sox enter this week with a record of 7-6, currently good for 3rd in the AL East. There’s been a pinch of the Hangover blues so far this season, considering these guys are all party animals and coming off their 2nd World Series title in four years. In their defense, MLB has been touring them around the globe like a circus act, but this is a demanding town where perfection is the only acceptable outcome. Most bats have been slow to start, especially Big Papi and his astounding .070 average. The other day, the Yankees organization dug deep into the foundation of its new 2009 stadium to unearth a Red Sox jersey buried by a construction worker and diehard Sox fan as to put a hex on the pinstripes for years to come. The story leaked, and the Yankees spent money and a ton of manpower to dig up the jersey, which happens to be a #34 David Ortiz. Maybe now that the jersey has been properly restored to Earth, Big Papi can take the bat out of his ass and start hitting mass pike-balls again.

The Red Sox and The Yankees are starting to piss me off early…eh, what’s new.

Is it just me or should Big Papi have spent his time hosting the regular off-season baseball camp instead of focusing on a 2nd career in Space and Aeronautics?

Earlier in the week, the Sox had their season opener at Fenway park. I must laud this organization for its successful attempt to stock the team with in-house talent and a great farm system, but their international marketing strategy is getting waaay too hoaky and over-produced for my liking. Neil Diamond has to Neil Diealready, as does “Sweet Caroline”. Why are all the musical ties to the Sox extremely nerve-racking? Neil Diamond, Aerosmith, James Taylor, OK Go…can’t someone with talent be a Red Sox fan? I mean, besides Ben Affleck.

I will say this about opening day. Even though it would’ve made more sense to have him throw the first pitch after the ‘04 championship, having Bill Buckner hurl a strike for the ceremonial pitch in front of a forgiving fan ovation was pretty cool. Poor Buckner’s life had been ruined after his blunder in ‘86 that cost them the series to the Mets. He and his family have suffered torment of the worst kind (similar to poor Urkel!) and this opening pitch was visually theraputical for Bill.

Gotta love this guy. Over 20 years of anguish, yet he still manages to throw a 75 mph breaking ball for a strike!

Slow bats aside, the starting rotation is a tad unsettling as well. Beckett just needs to get healthy, Dice-K has averaged 1400 pitches per four innings despite his low ERA, Schilling is a fat Republican afterthought, Bucholtz has plenty of off-days just like his kid-phenom look-a-like Doogie Howser, Wakefield just turned 57, and Jon Lester is a 5th starter at best.

Dice, how about getting that WHIP under 8.70. That goofy look won’t work on me my friend!

Is it just me, or does Bartolo Colon errily resemble Wart, the big boss from Mario 2?

Overall, the boys in Red are doing OK- we’ll have to check in as the season progresses to see if it’s possible to get into the postseason with such a deep American League.

BOSTON CELTICS

I am unabashedly a member of the Celtics bandwagon. I started following them after the 5th game of the season, and it’s been an amazing ride. They’ve locked up 1st seed in the NBA playoffs, and would be hard-pressed to find a post-season opponent outside of the Pistons to derail them from a Championship bid.

The combination of The Big Three coupled with the bench and farm players they didn’t trade to Minnesota for Garnett has made the difference this season. Garnett is the most electrifying player I’ve seen since Bird, and his incredible work ethic has demanded the most his support staff can contribute. Pierce’s stats are naturally down given the surrounding talent, but that’s the MO of this team- everyone’s ridiculously unselfish.

That’s actually the size of KG’s head- it can only fit on the jumbotron.

How…the hell…did Danny Ainge swing this!?! We somehow signed Jesus Shuttlesworth and a future 5-star General in one offseason!

These three are already all-stars and future HOFs, so it’s no shock they clicked like they did. But the surprise breakout of the season has been 2nd year Point Guard Rajon Rondo. He’s incredibly quick with tricky moves (like the time he broke Steve Nash’s ankles), runs a great floor, is a pesky defender and has a solid mid-range jumper to boot. On top of that, Rondo’s very poised and well spoken- nothing gets to this kid! I feel like he’s the factor that decides their post-season success. The C’s bench has really taken shape as the season progressed, with huge contributions from Eddie House, Leon Powe, “Big Baby” Davis, Posey and even ugly Sam Cassell. As long as everyone stays healthy, this team should rock my balls for the next two months!!!

Rondo, you can break my ankles and my heart any day.

I’m coming around on Doc Rivers, especially how he’s handled the second part of the season and devoted meaningful minutes to the bench, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to coach this team of talent. If anything I’d give him props for managing all those big egos, but the hungry veterans in KG and Pierce do that themselves, so in my eyes Doc is reduced to a dancing cheerleder flailing on the sidelines.

Speaking of Rocket Scientists, I’d much rather prefer Doc Brown to Doc Rivers on the sideline. Maybe, just maybe Ainge stole the DeLorean to alter history this past offseason, just like old Biff in BTTF 2.

I am ready for the playoff Celtics, and thank them for one entertaining regular season. It’s the first time I’ve followed the team since the 2003 Pierce-Antoine combo that came up just short. Plus, they’re the reason I got into Comcast Sportsnet East with Felger and Tanguay, not to mention my old pal Tommy Heinson.

Felger, you BU clown. How did you luck out with the greatest man-life in New England? That’s his insanely hot wife Sara Underwood, a local news anchor. Love/despise Felger!!

Tanguay deserves his own, better version of Sara Underwood. I think he should get with the classy and popular CNN anchorwoman Campbell Brown.

BOSTON BRUINS

OK I normally don’t give two shits about the bruins. I haven’t watched a game since Joe Thorton departed the Hub, and haven’t totally paid attention since the early 90s team of Bourque, Cam Neely, Joey Juneau, and Andy Moog. But the Bruins snuck into their first playoffs in four years, and happen to match up against long-time rival Montreal Canadians, so diehard fans are making a little stink about Boston’s forgotten franchise. Last night they pulled out an overtime victory to tighten the series 2-1 Montreal, but let’s face it, they’re grossely out-talented and they have a mediocre netminder at best in veteran Tim Thomas.

I care about the Bruins/Canadians series, I really do. I just happen to care about everything else in the world a lot more.

OK Tim, just picture the puck as though it were a delicious Drake’s Ring Ding and you’re really reallly hungry. It’s snack time, go eat up! Oh yea and don’t let any more easy goals in net, asshole.

This is the last hockey player I’ve paid any attention to. I even attended the Bourque parade at Government Center when he won the Stanley Cup with the Colorado Avalanche! Love that womanizing, mulleted defensive wonder!!

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS

…I have not recovered. I am not in denial, I just don’t want to see, hear, taste smell or touch anything Patriots. After the most devistating loss in NFL history, it will be a hard time even easing back into this season come September, November, December…whenever it starts. NFL, our current media obsession and anything marketing makes me puke a little every time I think of it, so I choose not to. If Randy Moss stabbed Tom Brady over a three-way with Giselle and Bill Belichick taped the whole goddamn thing, I could care less. Give me a ring when they’re attempting 19-0 for the second time and maybe I’ll tune in. Yes, my heart was broken and I hate football, are you happy??

I will teach you to cheat like Bill Beeeelichick!”

This week on South Park Cartman did his best Edward J. Olmos in Stand and Deliver to teach a group of inner-city hellians how to cheat in school just like Bill Belichick has cheated over the past seven years. It’s pretty stinging, but kinda funny and you have to throw your arms up and say, “ah, yep, can’t argue there.” Ah whatever, can’t win ‘em all, even if you cheat!

TWIBS QUIB OF THE WEEK:

Our old friend Gabe Kapler got picked up by the Milwaukee Brewers this season after coming out of retirement and managing a single-A ballclub. He’s still as physically imposing as ever, and so far this season Gabe is smacking the shit out of the ball - .435 avg, 5 homers and a bucket-full of RBIs! Go get ‘em Gabe!! Just like the song says, “It doesn’t matter if you hit .240…we all know that you have guts and glory, Gabe.”

You could fry a small car on those abs! What the hell have you been eating for breakfast?? Steroidieos?

That’s all for this week. The New England diehards are like pigs in shit over all this activity, but when are they not? It’s kinda fun being a removed Boston fan as I can tune out for a bit when things get ugly. But just when I thought I was out, they drag me back in!!

TWIBS! future posts will be shorter and posted on Sundays, and next week Monday Movie Mania! shall return to it’s regular spot.

Thanks and go C’s!!
The Boston RAT

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 Yo! Hope your week is buzzzing along. I’ve had my share of ups and downs, but I really can’t complain.So this week’s oldieo video is a personal favorite called FRANCO MUST DIE. This short was my Production 2 final shot first semester senior year. My filmic landmarks over four years at BU are as follows:FRESHMAN YEAR: I drank and slept a lot.Back then I was the male version of Lindsay Lohan minus the 300 STDsSOPHMORE YEAR: I purchased my first 16mm camera - A Swiss Bolex that didn’t have a corrected viewfinder so I had to guess what the frame looked like. Also purchased an $11 light meter that couldn’t produce a reading if it were 10 feet away from the sun. Shot some embarrassing sample projects before knowing anything about film production (I’ll post those here when I run out of better material).Summer after Sophmore year I worked on former BU Professor Stephen Geller’s masterpiece MOTHER’S LITTLE HELPERS in Providence, RI. The film and Stephen are both giant pieces of shit, but on the shoot I made some great BU friends and really learned how to light for film and TV.I’m glad I spent $160k on college to learn film from a pervert, egomaniac, and apparent part-time traffic cop. Vonnegut is rolling in his grave, you hacky asshole!JUNIOR YEAR: Production 1 rolls around, I film LA CIUDAD EN VIVO with my long lost Spanish friend Joan as my portrait exercise. I’ll post this another day and rant all about it then. My final project for Prod 1 was RONNIE BUNUEL which you’ve seen here. I purchased my 2nd camera - a wind-up, 16mm from the Soviet Union called the Krasnorgorsk-3 (or K-3). I still have the ol’ K-3 in my possession and plan on shooting something small soon.The Honda Accord of 16mm film camerasThroughout the year, I was cutting class like mad to professionally Gaff shorts, commercials, politicals - you name it, I lit it. I’m 19 and making $350 for 6 hours of work lighting Bernie and Phyl’s furniture commercials. The crew on the Geller shoot really taught me well, and I definitely took advantage of my schooling.“I haid ah nightmahea Douctoa Phyl. Everyone’s tellin’ me NO! NO, NO, NOOOO”Summer after Junior year I was in line to gaff my first independent feature. It was a big deal at the time - Phoebe Cates and a few other names starring, a good working DP shooting - all the elements to yield promising future connections and work. However, in July they decided to push the production back to fall of 2004, which would cut into my Senior year at BU. In good conscience I couldn’t miss an entire semester of my last year in college, so I ultimately passed on the project. Completely heartbroken, I was wallowing in self-pity until my Dad kicked me in the ass and demanded that I shoot something for myself instead of working on other people’s projects. So in three weeks time, I scraped together a cast and crew of 30 people, 5-ton grip truck, HMIs, track, even a crane to shoot my half-realized 35mm pet project BOTTOM OF THE NINTH. It was most assuredly my opus to date, and I am quite proud of the fact that I was a 20-year-old kid who put together such a large production by himself, but the final cut of the short was never produced because of damaging sound issues. Still the fact that I produced and directed a project like that on a wing and a prayer inspires me to this day to keep struggling until I get the next opportunity to showcase my abilities. I have one clip of BO9 assembled, and I’ll post that in the future and further discuss.SENIOR YEAR: First semester is Production 2, and my first exercise shot is I DID A BAD THING. Our final project for the class is FRANCO and the only other thing I shot all year was the ever-goofy REGULATORS music video.Since graduating I really haven’t shot that much. We did ANTUANUA then the CLOSE QUARTERS webseries with Garrett Morris, but even that was about two years ago. I need to get behind the camera soon- with my recent studies and overall maturity in life(ish), I know the next time I shoot something serious it will be my best creation to date.BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME, LET’S TALK ABOUT YO…FRANCO MUST DIE!I nominated myself to write and direct our group’s final project like the pompous little prick I was. Our group consisted of Brent Christo - Dir, John Longino - DP (the guy with the “fuck you” glasses whistling in REGULATORS), Liz Berry - Sound, Producer, and Bridget Carbury - Set Design, Producer. The night before our story outline is due in class, I come up with the hairbrained idea to write about a 12-year old kid who travels to Chicago to kill Oprah for screwing up his family. Obviously I couldn’t use Oprah or else I’d receive death threats from Winfrey’s 140 million woman malitia, so I created an arrogant TV talk show personality named Franco. Essentially, FRANCO MUST DIE is an attack on mindless TV and its effects on a regular adolescent boy’s family. His mother is a zombie that repeats everything Franco advises, his sister is proud of her floozy ways, and his father loses his job because he pretends that he himself is a talk show personality. Danny (played by the incredibly talented CJ Sheppard of Medway, MA) decides to ride bikes with his neighborhood pal Jamaica across country to kill Franco at his studio - as if getting Franco off the air would solve his problems at home. Anyway, there’s almost a cute moral at the end, then Franco gets accidentally killed and Danny must take over as the new host. The initial ending was lost as the reel it was on didn’t process correctly. Instead of cutting to an epilogue, we originally filmed Danny’s family on their living room couch watching their son host, but still in the same brainwashed frame of mind they had from the outset (as if to sprinkle a little 1984-doomed mentality on top).Our talentless professor Sam Kaufmann not only disliked the story, but CHALLENGED me to shoot everything in two days time. He thought I was a baffoon (practically called me as such in front of the class) for thinking I had the ability to shoot 6 complicated scenes with different locations and designs in a matter of two days, but I argued that I had production experience and can “sew like the wind”. He ultimately signed off on the project, and weeks later chose ours to close out the production 2 screening of 8 featured films. At the screening, our cute product was very well-received, and I can objectively attest that it was the best production of the night. I recall my classmate Sarah Newbold approached me after the screening. Her uh art(?) film was panned by the audience, and she sulkingly belittled my project to my face. Provoking me, she argued that my film was a success only because of the cheap jokes that have mass appeal (basically labeling the audience as a bunch of morons for not appreciating her work of art). Similar to RONNIE BUNUEL, I had my fair share of critics and rivals on this project, but I personally enjoy the final product and look back on the entire production process fondly.FAVORITE MOMENT: Well two actually. The Danny training montage is classic - CJ is just so talented, a real diamond in the rough. He had no previous acting experience, but he took direction well and we got along swimmingly. The first shot we filmed on the project is when CJ tackles the shit out of a trash can when prepping to assassinate Franco. He nails it in one take, and I instantly knew we had something special with this little raspy-voiced charmer (By the way, CJ must be about 18 now, and probably wants to kick my ass for some reason…and can most definitely kick my ass inside-out). My second favorite scene is between CJ and his sister Debbie, as she pokes holes in her boyfriend’s condoms so she can get pregnant. Her dialogue and delivery, and CJ’s reactions still crack me up….Actually, the raw video footage of Franco (Dennis Lemoine), Artemis (Jason Raffile) and Shemp (me) on the Franco show is GENIUS. I’ve never EVER seen J-Raff more hilarious and on top of his game, even the talented Dennis was struggling to keep up with his sheer genius in improvisation. I emailed John Longino earlier this week in search of a copy of those dailies, and he said it’s a long shot, but he’ll try to locate it. I really hope that somehow surfaces so I can post it and prove to you I’m not a liar. There’s a moment where J and I fight like the white trash we are, and he is screaming, “I hate you Shemp!! You stole my pizza like you stole my baby-factory, we’re no longer freinds!!” If you listen closely during the credits, you can hear some of that amazing dialogue. Fucking priceless!It was a fun shoot, a solid little project and an important landmark in my ongoing affair with cinema. I think my personal big three (chronologically) are RONNIE BUNUEL, FRANCO MUST DIE (BO9 if it were completed) then CLOSE QUARTERS.Please encourage me to top them all with my next short - it’s going to be a real winner, I can feel it callin’ in the air tonight.Adieu,Brento Christo