2008 November |

WILDCATS GONE NOT-SO WILD (BUT DEFINITELY DRUNK AND TOPLESS)

November 24th, 2008 |

After last Thursday’s devastating overtime loss to the Jets, the Pats and their season were backed up against the wall entering yesterday’s do-or-die game against the Miami Dolphins. The loser of this game at best falls into a two-way tie for third in the division with Buffalo, and two regular season loses to their division rival certainly would spell THE END for New England.

It was non-stop body blows for three full quarters, until the Pats simply pulled away in the 4th (with help from sloppy and hot-headed play from a young Miami team). 48-28 New England, wahoo!

Matt Cassel

Matty C continues to improve and impress at an astounding rate. He threw 30 for 43 for 415 yards, 3 TDs and rushed for another. This is his second 400-yard performance in a row, joining a list of only 4 other QBs to do so since 1970. Very poised in the spread formation, and the Dolphins simply couldn’t stop the air attack. It was one of those bust-out games for a ton of receivers, topped by Randy’s best day of 2008- over 100 receiving with 3 TDs.

Randy Moss
Hey Rand, could you please define the phrase “hellified ball”? Thanks.

Miami’s D game-planned for a big run day from New England, and left Randy in single coverage for most of the day. Randy gets insulted if he’s not being quadruple-covered, this is what happens when you piss a future-HOF receiver off. Welker had another stellar performance with 8 balls and 120 yards, and Jab jumped in on the fun with a season-high 88. Cassel’s looking more and more comfortable with game-speed and reading defenses, and the receiving core is beginning to click along with him.

Vince Wilfork

The Pats’ D let up two touchdowns off turnovers, but slowed the Miami attack in the 2nd half, and virtually shut out those damn gimmicky Wildcat 2-back formation plays that embarrassed New England in their first meeting. The D-line picked it up in the second, delivering huge hits and squashing Miami’s run game, holding them to 62 yards on 19 rushes. Vince Wilfork played like a man possessed, and made the backs and Pennington look outright silly. Keep in mind, Miami ambushed the league with all that hoaky-ass Wildcat crap starting with the Week 3 blow-out at Gillette. BB and staff had 8 weeks of tape on Miami’s Wildcat playcalls, and this time around they made the Dolphins’ mildly-confusing bag of tricks look like a mildly-arousing bag of dicks (don’t worry, I don’t see the connection either).

Matt Light Channing Crowder
“Get over hea, you Crowder-head!”

These two teams absolutely despise each other, and the non-stop smack talk by Joey Porter among others escalated this battle from hard-hitting to skull-thwacking. Matt Light and Channing Crowder both got ejected with 7:00 left in the fourth, after a tussle rushing a Gostkowski field goal attempt turned into Matt hammer-fisting a helmetless Crowder in the dredlocks, connecting on four punches. It was kind of a hilarious spectacle, as Light reeled in his mouthy adversary by his braids- another GREAT reason to never wear dreds if you’re a professional athlete. I love how Chris Hanson is cracking up in the background. Just hope Matt doesn’t get suspended by the Commish per his rabbit punches. Even though he’s playing kind of shitty, they need the goon if they’re going to attempt making the playoffs.

So 7-4 after week 12, 2nd in the AFC East behind the 8-3 Jerks, and fighting tooth and nail for a playoff spot as their enter the last 5 weeks of regular season. Next week they take on the tough but beatable Steelers team. The offense probably won’t be putting up 48 against the Pittsburgh D, one of the top in the league, but it should be a close game. 8-4 heading into a West coast trip to play Seattle and Oakland would be a nice Thanksgiving surprise.

John Kerry football
I learned the hard way not to draft John Kerry on Thanksgiving

Speaking of Thanksgiving and football, we’re having our 4th and potentially last annual Turkey Day bowl this Thursday. Each year Landry and I square off as captains, and I’m 2-0-1 over the first three matchups. If you know me personally, you’ll know that I take any competition to the max- never really got the memo on the whole friendly game thing. This is largely due to the fact that I resent not playing an organized sport outside of soccer growing up, especially when I very much believe that I’m one of the more underrated civilian athletes. Anyway, the T-giving game is a forum to rack up fantasy-type numbers while pounding on your friends in micro-vendetta fashion- if that’s not the definition of Christo Holiday I don’t know what is. In last year’s match I accidentally sent one kid to the emergency room….that sounds terrible but in reality he went because he sprained a pinky finger, what a pussy!! Normally I purchase a trophy for the winners each year, but since I’m in a recession I might just tape all the past trophies together to make a cheap-ass super-trophy. Trophu quality really doesn’t matter because I’m pocketing the mother fucker again this year. Yes yes, I’m…kind of insane.

The Cs are really beginning to fire on all cylinders, easily beating the Raptors in Toronto to mirror last season’s record through the first 15 games at 13-2. Ferocious defense, a deep bench riddled with maturing young players, and now consistency in offense via fastbreak style helmed by Rajon, whom Doc credits as the catalyst for their recent domination.

Rondo
Rondolicious: Rajon has the experience, and now the confidence to push the ball every trip down the floor. When Rondo’s on his game, these guys are virtually impossible to beat.

Tony Allen has been huge off the bench, putting up 9 ppg and really contributing as a 2nd team leader. This goober has really come a long way, and has put up big numbers when they’ve needed it most. He’s also the only player in the league that can perform the La-Z boy reclining dunk (pictured above).

Tim Thomas
“Do I suck or not?? FATE, MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY YOU FICKLE BITCH!”

At 13-2, the C’s enjoy a comfortable lead atop the Eastern conference, but the forgettable Bruins are the ones making waves in New England. Already through a quarter of the regular season, the B’s are #1 in the East with 32 points and a record of 14-3-4. They squeaked out a shootout win against Montreal on the night the Habs retire goalie great Patrick Roy’s jersey. Barring major injury, these guys are looking for real, and if they can keep it up, are poised to host a playoff round or two. I love these young guys like Kessel or Lucic who seem to have grown off last year’s deep first round against the Canadians. Lucic hits like a young Terry O’Reilly or Leo Boivin- one of those guys who enjoys two-handing someone in the skull for giving him the stink-eye.

Milan Lucic

The Sox are rightfully slowplaying a buzz-charged free agent market so far this offseason. They moved Coco for a relief pitcher with upstart potential, but probably won’t make any real moves until the Winter meetings are over. Sounds like the two players they’re even in the mix on (Texiera and D-Lowe) are going to have astronomical pricetags, and it wouldn’t surprise me if they bet the farm on a ridiculous $200+ contract for Marky T, a proven Red Sox killer thus far in his career. Besides that, all quiet on the western front as Theo is neglecting his GM post while shredding with Pearl Jam on their Dunkin’ Donuts New England tour. In stead of playing real venues, they perform at individual Dunky drive-thrus during the morning work rush.

Theo Epstein Eddie Vedder
I’m only home once a year, yet every trip I simply can’t avoid Eddie Vedder attacking me with that melodic whining every five minutes on the radio. Chili Peppers I get, but Pearl Jam?? A call to arms BCN- help put the M back in Assachusetts!

MAJOR RED SOX ROSTER CONCERNS TO-BE ADDRESSED:

1) A BIG BAT- Big Papi’s entering the twilight years, and they’re in dire need of that franchise beast in the middle of the order.
2) STARTING ROTATION ADDITION- We need one more arm to sure up the 4-5 spot. D-Lowe would be a lot of fun, c’mon you know it. Think of the make-up sex alone.
3) BULLPEN HELP- one more stud to help facelift that sagging bullpen. Theo needs to scrape pieces of gum off the bottom of his figurative desk. And he really needs to do something about those uncontrollable boners during figurative gym class.

BUT WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY GONNA DO FOR CATCHER? They’re potentially going to tap the Texas well of development catchers, but there’s no one on the market who is a real upgrade from the aging captain. And we still have no clue if Tek will take a hometown discount to finish out his career here, something looking less likely each day with that sports-vulture Scott Boras twittering in his ear. Yes, you heard right- Scott Boras is addicted to Twitter.

Maybe Tek can just hang it up and start a product line for aging men with crew cuts and squeaky high-pitched voices.

Jason Varitek
_____________________

So the Pats live to see another week, and there’s still hope of slipping into one of the limited playoff spots. If you think of all the incredible adversity they’ve faced so far this season, just making it to January football would be an absolute testament of the strength and ability of Bob Kraft, Billy B, and Scotty P’s juggernaut super-system. I think Pioli and Theo should totally be appointed positions on Obama’s cabinet!!!

What a friggin’ roller coaster of emotions with the Pats this season. If they can play like they did this Sunday, and if the D can step up and stop that oaf Ben Rothlisberger, we’ll be 8-4 with a chance to tie for first in the East. Still can’t pull the trigger one way or another on these guys, but I’m grateful the verdict’s still out 12 weeks deep!!!

Big Ben Rothlisberger

What the hell Ben?! I thought I told you to stop eating out of the trash can!!!

Posted in TWIBS! by The Real American Christo | 3 Comments »

Tangible Intangibles of ‘08 AL MVP Mr. Intangibles

November 19th, 2008 |

You are a small man.

You are young, yet balding.

You have been awarded approximately 25,000 awards this season.

You beat your best teammate friend Kevin Youkilis, who finished third and now resents you.

You swing from your shoetops and make contact AH-LOT.

You are the most accomplished Muppet from Sesame Street.

Still can’t trust the Count.

You are the 11th 2nd Baseman to win MVP.

You made $457,000 last season with no MVP bonus provision in your contract.

You do it all with the build of some scrawny kid from my high school.

You benefit from a big wall in left field.

Your wife is hot in a surprise AL MVP wife way.

You’re the 10th Sox to win, first since the Hit Dog won in 1995.

You got a little Boggs in you (pre D-bag era)

You are now on an awesome list of players who got rookie of the year and now MVP.

You, my sir, fucking rock.

It feels like I just got an ice cream sundae for free…

AND that makes me want a real ice cream sundae. Be riiight back.

Posted in TWIBS! by The Real American Christo | 2 Comments »

CONSOLATION PRIZE, FREE AGENCY, FRIENDLY FIRE…SCALABRINE!!!

November 18th, 2008 |

This past weekend was the equivalent of a sports pregnant pause for a Boston fan. Pats and Cs both had down days, the Sox have been quiet so far this offseason, and the Bruins will count when Tim Thomas wins the Vezina trophy (aw hell, I’d settle for the Lady Bing).

Dustin Pedroia MVP

Both Pedroia and Youk are in the mix for AL MVP, and by mix I mean mixed nuts of good-not-great season performances. Everyone in the running has their flaws, and little Dusty, who already has a ‘08 gold glove and silver slugger title to boot, just might have the stat line that puts him over the top. Check out DP’s season numbers (provided by Egghead McAdams):

Pedroia led the AL in doubles (54), runs scored (118), stolen base percentage (95.2 percent) and tied for the most hits (213 with Seattle’s Ichiro Suzuki). He was second in batting average (.326), third in at-bats (653), tied for third in singles (140), and fourth in total bases (322).

Sure would be a nice little door prize for not making the Series. Last Boston player to win MVP??

MO in ‘95!

Mo Vaughn

Meanwhile, the Sox brass are sitting on their rear ends as Hank the skank and the Yankees buy virtually every available player in the free agent market. They already made a bad-for-baseball overbid for C.C. Sabathia, and set their aim on Burnett AND D-Lowe (the only player the Sox might even be interested in). And I hate how a guy like Scott Boras, that ham-chinned brut of a superstar agent can single-handedly backdoor an entire sports league at his leisure. The lines he personally leaks to the press to manipulate sweating big-market GMs makes me want to hire a flock of stunt birds to shit on his well-groomed head.

And to think that slimeball will be a deciding factor in the Sox finally parting with their beloved Captain- an inevitable outcome, but you hate to think that Tek actually believes he’s worth 4 years at like $13 mil a season. Don’t look into Boras’s eyes, Tek, NOT IN THE EYES!!!

Jason Varitek Freen Agency Red Sox

Varitek and his ill-managed avarice needs to fess up to Boston’s youth. “Uh, guys…Uncle Tekkie is going away for a lil’ while…here, have an autographed crew cut.”

Paul Pierce Celtics Bucks Pierce Rondo collision Kevin Garnett Celtics Bucks 11/14/08

The Celtics play tomorrow against the Knicks after a well-deserved weekend off. Hopefully they’ve recouped from the last game, a knock-down drag-out 102-97 victory in OT against the Bucks. Guys like Jefferson, Ridnour and Andrew Bogut were up the C’s butts all night long, and physically beating the brains out of them. Garnett got suspended for one game for his head-hack to Bogut in retaliation for Bogut’s head-hack to KG a millisecond earlier- to put it nicely, a bullshit penalty issued by the league (you don’t want to hear my not-nicely take on the matter). Pierce and Rondo violently collided in mid-air after a failed block attempt, leaving both bruised and shaken up for the rest of the game. And if insult, and injury isn’t enough for ya, we had a…

SCALABRINE SIGHTING

Brian Scalabrine Bench Allstar Boston Celtics
THE GREAT WHITE DOPE

When KG fouled out, Mr. Reliable Brian Scalabrine rose from the bench, dusted off his jersey and finished the game out for his fellow power forward, hitting 2-2 from the field, including a WTF are you doing?! 3-pointer. Everyone I have ever talked to is enamored with Scalabrine, and I get the same feeling from the Celtics. He’s our suckable white dude who never plays, is in terrible shape, knows he doesn’t offer much, if anything to the team, yet is a kooky fan favorite. I really do find it incredible that he basks in his bench allstar status, and I’m really not sure if he’s ever played basketball before. I participate in Celts live chat now and again, and people are always busting on Scalabrine for living up life in Mass like a local prince. He’s been spotted at least 5 times at various Wendy’s locations, and it’s been confirmed that he actually tries to throw his Celtics weight around in the drive-thru line. Scals is pictured above during a normal C’s practice, where in his downtime he mentally recites the 99 cent Super Value Menu.

Joey Porter Patriots Dolphins

The Patriots seem to be on a sliding scale after the Thursday night loss against the Jets for first place in the East has led to a must-win playoff-alivin’ rematch against the 6-4 Dolphins in a bout for sole possession of 2nd-place. Miami and their hodgepodge of Wildcat circus crap is really intimidating, and part of me thinks they flat-out own us this season. If New England happens to lose, we can fart any playoff hopes goodbye after Sunday. C’mon guys, I’m sick of all these painful poop analogies already. Shit or get off the pot!!!

FINALLY SOME BRUINS NEWS FOR YOU NAGGING LOUD-MOUTHS:

Boston Bruins Toronto Maple Leafs 11/17/08

The Bru’s stave off the Maple Leafs yesterday to extend their lead in the Atlantic division with a record of 11-3-4, 26 points overall. They’ve won 8 out of their last 10, and everyone in Boston is starting to feel the franchise tug at their coattails like a forgotten disgruntled leprechaun in need of attention. I hear you but I STILL DON’T CARE!

…that is, unless you make it to the Stanley cup finals, then I’ll have to buy a Lucic jersey. That guy hits harder than Ike Turner, EAT BOARD TINA!

Posted in TWIBS! by The Real American Christo | No Comments »

…GO BRUINS!
November 14th, 2008 |

I just puked in my mouth a little.

Thank you for doing that.

Thank you very much.

That was beyond painful.

I don’t know whether I would prefer the blow-out or the let-down.

We lost a heart-breaker after an incredible comeback.

Not only did we lose in overtime at home, we lost first place, and suffered a shit-ton of injuries in the process.

Why does it seem like we’re on pace for the entire practice squad to start week 16???

Everyone’s dying,
but still they fight.

But it’s painful to watch at times.

But beaten up and demoralized, they’re still 6-4 in a crap-apple NFL.

Mangina may have one the battle, and he may win the war…but…

…well nothing. Eat my butt New York.

Hurts more than scraped knees - VERY OUCH, RIGHT?!

BLAH!!!!

Posted in TWIBS! by The Real American Christo | 1 Comment »

A. D.-LESS MONDAY
November 11th, 2008 |

WHEN THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!

Adalius Thomas broke his forearm at some point in the 2nd Quarter against Buffalo, and info-vultures like me casually discover the next day that he’s out for the rest of the season.

6-3, winning with a backup QB, RB, SS, and now OLB AD. This guy was having a killer season with a sack-load of sacks to boot. Big loss, and now 3rd-year LB Pierre Woods, who has show flashes of ability, will bear the brunt of AD’s workload. Story of the season- everyone must contribute in order to have a fighting chance. But this loss really screws things up for the front 7- AD is ridiculously versatile, a D leader in on virtually every snap. It really does smell like every cloud has its poopy lining this season.

INSULT TO INJURY

Man-geeI’mannoying and the New York Jerks signed old Patriots ghost CB Ty Law to their team just in time for Thursday’s match-up against New England. Sure, he’s a vet and has been in both Jets and Pats defensive systems, but someone tell me how he’s impacting this game! HE’S A COLLECTOR’S ITEM, A CHEERLEADER FOR GOD’S SAKE!!!

OK I am obviously jealous and miffed about this signing. Ty was one of my original defensive loves, stop whoring him out NFL!!

BILL, DO ME A FAVOR AND DESTROY BRETTY AND THE JETS

Posted in TWIBS! by The Real American Christo | No Comments »

A D-LICIOUS SUNDAY
November 10th, 2008 |

Take one, take two.

Both the Patriots and Celtics turned in impressive victories today via dominant defense.

6-3 Patriots, tied for 1st in the AFC East.
6-1 Celtics, alone atop the Eastern Conference.
Mass decriminalizes weed and bans dog racing.

What a week for the baystate, yeesh!

Pats celebrate after Cassel’s 13-yard touchdown run up the gut on the opening drive. Impressive performance from Matty C- 23 for 34, 234 yards, with 22 on the ground and the rushing TD. They grow up so fast!

The Patriots turned in an efficient 20-10 victory over the Buffalo Bills at Foxboro, thanks to suffocating defense and another sound performance from QB-elect Matt Cassel. Despite Buffalo missing their two biggest defensive threats, Cassel looked poised in the pocket, and comfortable expanding his range beyond high-percentage, dink-n-dunk passes. Good ball control, good time management, proficient execution, more selective and effective with using his legs. The game is really starting to slow down for Matty- his talents are starting to show through his clothes (time to switch to a moomoo). Wes Welker turned in another consistent performance- 10 receptions for 107, and set an NFL record with at least 6 receptions through the first 9 games. Love that scrappy bitch!

Rookie Running Back BenJarvus Green-Ellis executed the best performance of his young career- 26 attempts, 105 yards, and capped off the Patriots epic 19-play, 92-yard drive with a 6-yard rushing TD. That possession was the nail in the coffin for Buffalo, draining 9:08 off the clock in the 4th. BenJarvus, or “The Law Firm” as his teammates call per his 40 names, is really coming along- great cuts, down-field vision, ball security, he’s got it all. How the hell did we get this ridiculous depth in the backfield? All 5 of the roster’s RBs are sick!!!

The Defense is really heating up at the right time. They held the Bills to 60 rushing yards, 168 total yards, sacking and picking off Trent Edwards twice in the process. Seymour, Ty Warren, Vrabel, and Jerrod Mayo all brought the pressure. A classic bout of trench warfare where our Front 7 dominated. The only touchdown scored on the D came in junk time when a Buffalo kickoff return spotted the ball at the Patriots’ 8 yard line.

With the win, the Patriots sit atop the tightening AFC East at 6-3, with a 2-1 division record. Short week for the Pats, as they take on division rival 6-3 New York Jerks for a battle of first place. The Jets have been scorching hot on offense the last few weeks, and there should be plenty of fireworks on a short week of rest for both squads. I love slampig battles where everyone hates everyone- truly football at it’s finest!

The Cs followed suit and turned in their best defensive performance of this short season, downing the new-look Pistons at the Palace of Auburn Hills, 88-76. They allowed Detroit to shorten the gap in garbage time, but for 3 1/2 quarters the D put on a flat-out CLINIC per KG and Perk clogging inside lanes, and held the Pistons to 29 points in the first half (an ugly 34% shooting overall).

It helped that this was only AI’s second game with the team, and it was overly obvious that he lacked chemistry with his new teammates. Rondo dominated the AI match-up and ran a great floor, providing quick outlet passes for fast break strikes.

AI turned in a limp 10 point, 4 assist performance, on 4-11 from the field. Practice? PRACTICE??…oh, yea that actually might be a good thing.

The green got off to another slow start, trailing in the first quarter by 7 before the bench came in and bailed out the starters yet again. Hands down the story of the season has been the consistency and determination of the upstart bench, which so far is easily the best in the NBA.

SOPHOMORE SENSATIONS:

Leon has been an absolute beast underneath the basket this season. An undersized Power Forward, Leon has the ability and now the experience to take over a game every time he’s on the floor.

Big Baby Davis is really stepping it up and earning his minutes this season. I’m impressed with his intensity and quickness for his rotund stature, and find myself cringing a lot less when he attempts a jumper beyond 5 feet.

Um, Big…Sexy?

Tony Allen was the hero tonight, ball-hawking for a game-high 23 points in 27 minutes. Tony’s healthy and really coming into his own this season. He’s not forcing the situation, and taking higher-percentage shots through seeking out and driving lanes. TA shows incredible flashes of brilliance in the air- so quick, crafty, executing the occasional jaw-dropping acrobatic. He’s come a long way since last year’s brawl with Detroit, where his 3-pt foul blunder on Chauncy in the closing seconds led to one of their few regular season losses. Love the man but…Posey who?

Perk has simply taken his game to another level. You forget how young some of these guys are, and at the age of 24, Kendrick is performing like an all-star Center in the prime of his career. He plays angry, and is constantly coming down with boards of every kind. His shot-blocking timing and intensity is beyond words this season, turning in a season-high 7 blocks against the Bucks this past Friday. This is a picture of Perk looking elated with his play so far.

STARTING 5: Rondo, Ray-Ray, Pierce, KG, Perk
BENCH: Powe, Big Baby, Eddie House, Tony Allen (among other unproven, talented youngsters)

This team could be better than last year, how the fuck is that even possible!!!

And if 6-1 with even more potential isn’t enough, there’s rumors circulating around New England that the Celtics are interested in Antonio McDyess, a casualty of the Detroit-Denver trade. McDyess and Stuckey were the two bugs up the Cs ass in last years Conference Finals- you know what they say, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!

That said if they were to take a stab at Antonio, someone would have to go to free up a roster spot. Hmmm, who could that be?…

Time to phone home, E.T.

TWIBS QUIBS OF THE WEEK:

NESN announced a new TV anchor for Sportsdesk named Cole Wright. This guy is CSN broadcaster Donnie Marshall’s doppelganger. Talk about a copy cat league- those two rival networks are worse than facebook and myspace.

The Red Sox inducted a new class into their team hall of fame this week, and one of my favorite childhood players made the grade.

Who? None other than the original Big Papi, the Hit Dog…MR. MAURICE “MO” VAUGHN.

Mo was an absolute terror for opposing pitchers, and was clocking some Cooperstown-like years in Boston. He was THE threat, the big bat when you needed a clutch performance. 3-time allstar, 1995 league MVP, lifetime .293 hitter with 328 Homers and a shitload of RBIs. It broke my heart when he signed with Anaheim for an ungodly amount of moolah, and it was even more painful to watch his prolific career deteriorate due to a number of serious injuries. It’s too bad he didn’t stay and retire with the Sox, but the fact that he openly accepted returning to Beantown to be recognized as a franchise great makes my heart tingly like I just bumped a line of pure coke (…not like I would know, the worst I’ve ever done is large dose of cough syrup). You don’t understand how big I was on this guy, I even nicknamed my driver “Mo” as a kid (my 3-wood was “Jose Canseco” because it popped up more haha).

What a great end of the week for all three franchises. Both the Pats and Cs have huge tests in front of them- Celtics have a tolling 5 games in 6 days, and the Pats take on those damn Mangina-Jets on 3-day’s rest. Let’s ride the wave to 6 more Ws this week, C’MON!!

Posted in TWIBS! by The Real American Christo | 2 Comments »

QUICK THOUGHTS ON THE ELECTION
November 5th, 2008 |

Very pleased, practically elated with the Presidential outcome. Like him or not, Obama is an educated, thoughtful and even-tempered politician, not to mention one of the best public speakers to ever grace a television screen.

His acceptance speech was monumental; a man who feels genuinely ready for the insurmountable task of turning this country around on so many levels. In the face of a historic crisis, there’s a promise worth believing as a progressive thinker now occupies the oval office.

It’s inspiring to see people across America, squirming in a bleak hour, join forces and publicly elect a regime change that can mend our society, and relationship with the world. There’s a feeling in the air that we’re entering a serious collective shift in consciousness. It’s going to be one hell of an uphill battle, but arrogantly fighting the fight is what this damn country is all about. I’m entering an age where it means a hell of a lot to me to prevent digging the hole any deeper, and passing on a big garbage dump to my children.

It’s a tall order, but tonight I believe we made an important first step in the right direction.

ON CALIFORNIA / MASSACHUSETTS LOCAL ELECTIONS:

1) CALI PROP 8: Gay Marriage Ban. As of the time of this post, looks very likely it will pass, and I am disgusted to be a voting citizen in this state. This is a giant civil step backwards for California. I think it’s ignorant, and believe I’m not alone in being shocked over this potential outcome.

2) CALI PROP 1A: High-Speed Rail from SF to LA. I voted no, but it’s leading to pass at 70% precincts reported. This state is broke as shit, a gigantic part of the nation’s credit problem- it makes complete sense to spend more money we don’t have to buy a kick-ass choo choo train. For the love of god please sink any available transportation money into solving the public transportation issue in LA first.

3) Repeal the Mass State Income Tax was rejected 70 to 30. I completely agree- that money circulates, churning the community (similar to Dunkin’ Donuts gift cards).

4) DECRIMINALIZE MARIJUANA passed big-time in Massachusetts. Anyone cited with possession under an ounce gets the equivalent of $100 parking ticket. This is the product of a young generation of voters, and a decision I didn’t see coming from that state any time soon. Devilishly progressive, hi-larious!

5) BAN DOG RACING passed, wiping out shitholes like Wonderland and Wrentham Race Track. I am all for treating animals less like abused circus clowns.

BIG DAY FOR MASS
BAD DAY FOR CALI
INSTANT HISTORY FOR AN AMERICAN PUBLIC IN SEARCH OF DIRECTION

Two men, elected leaders, working side by side to repair the image of the game. Remind you of anyone?

Posted in Rad Rants by The Real American Christo | 4 Comments »

DOWNED BY INDIANCRAPOLIS, THANKS FOR THE BIRTHDAY PRESENT BILL!
November 3rd, 2008 |

The Pats got edged out by the Colts today on ma 26th birthday, 18-15.

I should have wasted my birthday wish on a fucking pony instead.

This was an evenly-matched game through 3 1/2 quarters, but a few misplays and one ticky-tacky-but-dumb-personal foul by David Thomas basically blew the game for New England. It would’ve been way sweet to be 6-2 via winning on the road in Indy, but the stars weren’t aligned as missed opportunities helped the Pats beat themselves.

Cassel looked OK, but couldn’t come through on a few clutch plays. He wasn’t exactly helped by his receiving squad, especially Jabar Gaffney and his drop of a would-be go-ahead touchdown late in the game. Hard to win when you settle for a ton of field goals.

Can’t totally blame this one on Matt- everyone came up a little short in the loss

The defense delivered a bend-don’t-break performance, looking great against the run (allowing just 47 rushing yards on 21 carries) and held their own against Peyton, but gave up two long touchdown drives, both receptions by Anthony Gonzalez.

Yea yea, big must-win for the Colts. 4-4, Happy .500 losers

Maybe I’ve been watching a lot of horror movies lately, but I think Tony Dungy has the perfect look for a slasher movie franchise. They call him SKULLHEAD- he enters your house at night and whispers creepy, religiously-charged motivational speeches into your ear while you sleep!

Gonzo was the difference tonight- 4 recs for 55 yards and 2 of the game’s 3 TDs

The theme in most games this year is the offense’s inability to score touchdowns in the red zone, and tonight’s only non-field goal was a nice 6-yard rushing score by undrafted rookie free agent Benjarvus Green-Ellis.

This kid is doing a decent job filling in for injured RBs Sammy Morris and LaMont Jordan- he’s scored three rushing TDs in the last three games. Not bad for someone who made you scratch your head when you read their name on the final pre-season roster (”Hey, how many names this guy got?”)

Jab’s dropped TD, and Bill’s poorly-managed timeouts and missed challenges definitely contributed to this blown opportunity, but the biggest blunder of all was bonehead Tight End David Thomas’s unnecessary roughness 15-yard penalty that halted a promising, and pivotal drive, ending the Pats legit chances of stealing a sweet one in Indy. It wasn’t overly malicious, but it was a obvious tackle after the play was over directly in front of an official. Guess who’s about to have the worst Monday practice of his life.

Oh well, I guess you can’t win ‘em all.

The Celtics jumped in on this Indiancrapolis shit-party, losing to an improving Pacers team in lameo fashion, 79-95. Ever been to a shit-party? Trust me, they’re as gross as they sound.

After three games, the Big Three haven’t been consistent together yet. Ray-ray’s been flat as a pancake, and KG has had ups and downs offensively, but I’ll take 2-1 after going into Tuesday’s game against pre-season hype machine, the Houston Rockets.

My roomate Nolan bought the NBA season package for my birthday, so I’ll be seeing every single C’s game this season, yahoozin!

To my friends and family who helped make my 26th a relaxing and fun Sunday, I thank you kindly.

To the state of Indiana, thanks for taking a smash on my birthday cake. Please don’t make it 3 for 3 and help screw up Tuesday’s election!!

It’s a bird! It’s a plane!! Naw, it’s just Iceland filing for bankruptcy. Remember Superman, it’s what you do once you’re elected that decides your legacy. Now clean up our mess already?!

HERE’S TO A GREAT
REST OF 8!!

Posted in TWIBS! by The Real American Christo | 3 Comments »