The holidays came and went, and all I got for Christmas was a toilet-full of embarrassing sports defeats.

The state of New York did what it could to shit all over Boston’s merriment this week by delivering ego blows to all major franchises.

The first hammer dropped with the Yanks hijacking Mark Teixiera earlier in the week from the Sox in the 11th hour after negotiations got sticky between John Henry and Super-Agent / world-class D-bag Scott Boras.

So the Sox are screwed because the only free agent slugger of merit left is the un-signable child-like schizophrenic they fired midseason. The Yankees cockblock their rivals in signing their third superstar in one hell of a megaopoly offseason that has now witnessed three-quarters of a BILLION dollars in franchise spending. I personally am embarrassed for American sports when you have this gross display of greed in the middle of a global financial crisis. Hemmoraging moneys certainly isn’t good for the league, let alone every other major sport. I have heard from multiple inside sources that 2009 will see a lot of potential small-market franchises facing bankruptcy. We could be looking at leagues comprised of a mere 10 teams spread far and wide across our crumbling nation.

New York spending is such bullshit, they mind as well be their own damn league - The NYJO (New York Jerk Offs)

The Cs break their 19-game winning streak with a loss in LA on Christmas Day. Kobe and his band of European perimeter punks fed off the crowd’s intensity during a game that simply meant more to the bridesmaids of the 07-08 finals. The Celts weren’t exactly going to win out the rest of the season, and all that truly matters is homefield advantage come postseason. This one woulda been a nice Christmas gift, but instead we get this nice lump of shit in our stockings- Santa was going to give us coal but had to improvise due to energy cutbacks.

And if that wasn’t enough, we then had to suffer through a unnaturally windy Sunday. Bill and the Pats held up their end of the bargain by beating Buffalo and the elements 13-0, closing out the resilient ‘08 season with an impressive 11-5 record.

The winds were swirling like I’ve never seen in professional sports, and Belichick coached one of the finest performances of his career to manipulate the conditions to his favor. Both teams relied on the running game to move the ball, yet New England’s backfield met the challenge.

So for about three hours after the victory, New England fans kept their budding playoff hopes alive…

That is until old man noodle-arm and Eric “Fredo” Mangini let up to Miami, crushing any hopes of Patriots football in January. They could have played for pride, and probably should have for their jobs- instead they opt for the season-ending defeat to prohibit their hated division rivals from a playoff berth of their own.

So even when New York loses, we lose.

And the mildly-upsetting factor to the equation is that, major injuries aside, these guys really seemed to click down the stretch, giving you the feeling that if they could somehow squeak into a wild card game, they could be damn dangerous underdogs. I just wasn’t ready for no-more football after such a strong end of season. Still consider this season a gigantic success- 11-5 is a playoff record virtually every year, and you did it with a bunch of backups and half-dead old guys. Kudos to Belichick and staff, to Cassel, to Randy acting the role, Wes and Gostkowski earning their way to Hawaii…a lot of non-sexy but still impressive aspects to this topsy-turvy season, too bad it had to end on such a queer note.

So I’m back in LA after a lightening-quick trip home for the holidays. It was a great week spent with family and friends, the only thing I could have done without was all those sports crotch-shots from old Saint Nick. Thanks a lot fatass.

This entry was posted on Monday, December 29th, 2008 at 3:50 am and is filed under TWIBS!. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.