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Hey there and welcome back. I hope your week is going well, I’ve had an interesting one up to this point for sure. Today’s oldieo is one of my last “showable” video posts, so I’ll have to start bringing my Celtics Home game to this website (compared to my recent Celtics Away game attitude).

So this is the blooper reel for the short-lived CLOSE QUARTERS webseries (and by short, I mean five minutes of a pilot). It opens with Garrett singing a classic obscene melody that I hope someone plays at his funeral (god forbid he ever leaves us) so we may remember GM as a hysterical clowner till the end. Did that sound creepy? I didn’t mean it like that!

Like I said this shoot was a lot of fun. The blooper reel is filled with shots of Big Daddy playing a little bit of Big Diva on set. We always have our minute differences when shooting projects, but it usually ends up my way or the highway- I used to be a happy-go-lucky Napoleon on set, what can I say. I stress “used to be” because when I shot this I was still a little snotty “result” director, meaning I would bark direction via expressions and emotions, not allowing the established actors to breathe their own interpretations into the role (through proper direction using action verbs). Then again, this is a spoof on classic sitcoms where the action is cheesy and over-stylized…let’s just say I don’t think there were too many Adler students on the set of SAVED BY THE BELL.

Speaking of SBTB, my good friend Riley Weston (screenwriter/actress extraordinaire) wrote a Lifetime movie starring Elizabeth Berkley (AKA Jesse Spano) called DARK BEAUTY that premieres this Saturday, May 17th at 9pm Eastern/6 Pacific. Be sure to tune in or tivo, she promised me it’s a fun watch.

My dear friend Riley Weston

Hands-down best Jesse Spano moment: “I’m so excited! I’m so excited!! I’m so…SCARED!”

Tivo, my friends, is a very dangerous toy. Steveo and I have been averaging about 2.5 Saved By The Bell episodes per day. It’s starting to scare me how much we remember from every single episode. I mean, that show was like cocaine when we were kids. Everyone I know within a 4-year radius of my age has seen every episode at least three times. I remember watching it Saturday mornings over my decrepit piano teacher’s house in Woonsocket. This lady had a TV set in her bathroom (absurdly cool given the times) and I would park it in there for a good half-hour to catch the new ep while my older sister Stef took her piano lesson. I remember Ms. Believeau knocking on the bathroom door, wondering if I was OK considering how long I had occupied it. Come to think of it, I can probably track my habit of avoiding work responsibility AND my obsession with bathroom privacy to those Saturdays hiding from piano lessons. Seventeen years later, and I wonder why I can’t read sheet music.

Here’s my quick take on the other SBTB characters:

Zack Morris is probably the most powerful character in television history. He’s got looks, money, he can charm the panties off any girl at Bayside, and even though his incredible greed usually causes the dilemma per episode, he’s ALWAYS let off the hook. There was this one gigantic girl jock/tom-boy named Rhonda Robistelli who stalked and handled Zack with ease. I always loved her catch phrase “Hey Zackie!!” that she would bust out when tracking him down. Wouldn’t you know, Rhonda’s now a hot chick hosting a real estate show on TLC. Zackie should have cashed in on that.

Kirsten Kemp (AKA Rhonda Robistelli)

Albert Clifford or “AC” Slater is my favorite SBTB character. He’s one of the stronger actors out of the bunch (that’s not saying much) and his juggling of anger, charm, braun, and goofy panomine really glued the group together. Zack needed a male counterpart to balance the ensemble, and that little scrawny new jersey kid from GOOD MORNING MISS BLISS didn’t exactly cut it. Next time you watch an episode, be sure to catch AC’s subtle, yet goony expressions in the background - hilarious!

…Although there was something a little “off” about some of AC’s displays at The Max.

Screech Powers was freakin hysterical on the show, that is until he got stuck in that awkward growth spurt while everyone else turned incredibly hot. Poor Dustin Diamond is still haunted by being known as the white Urkel.

What kind of desperate woman has had sex with Dustin Diamond? Remember to keep her in your prayers tonight.

I can’t stand Lisa Turtle. She’s a sassy idiot with terrible fashion sense, despite the face she’s a rich mall diva. Everthing she ever talked about related to shopping, gossip and putting Screech down- what a biitch! Steveo and Griff think I’m insane for not being attracted to Lark Voorhies, but I think they’re delirious for not wanting Rhonda Robistelli. I think I win that battle.

And then we have Kelly Kapowski, the hottest female in television history. She’s the perfect “man’s” woman: honest, very agreeable, pleasing, soft spoken, always wants to do the right thing. You have to remember that the type of misogyny TV writers could get away with in the 80s and 90s is insurmountable compared to today’s standards (ah, the golden years of television). Seriously speaking, Zack did not deserve Kelly. I was always happy when she dumped Zack to test the field. Funny enough, when I was at TAG, two out of the three Kelly suitors (not Melvin Nerdsley) were clients. C’mon guys, I’m sure these days you could sign Nerdsley and complete the trifecta!

Kelly is TV’s equivalent of an LA 10. Trust me when I say there’s a difference between a 10 and an LA 10. 10 Girls in Boston are really LA 7’s- indeed a sound reference to rate by. Poor Wendy from Wonder Years isn’t even in the same rating system as Kapowski.

Lastly, we have Mr. Belding, the backboneless principal of Bayside High. It’s disturbing how easily manipulated Belding was by Zack and the kids. He just wanted to be cool and one of the gang, but the age gap and political status makes his desperate attempts to fit in mildly disturbing. Even his high-pitched laugh is suspect, then again I sort of uncontrollably laugh like that. That must make me an attention-groveling pervert too!

Yes, I am 25 and still obsessed with this show fifteen years after first airing. I really don’t think I’m alone in that though. I miss how ridiculous TV could get, and think that more people should spoof and cash in on the over saturated neo-sitcom style. Just like The N’s marketing slogan urges, “Embrace the Cheese!” I mean, how cool would a spoof/homage remake of Saved By The Bell be if it were conceived by David Lynch? Saved By The Bell meets Twin Peaks!!!

Well, my cheese comes to an end with these CQ bloopers, but rest assured I will recapture the classic sitcom style in future quirky, absurd projects.

Thanks for reading this rant, and hope you’ve enjoyed my project CLOSE QUARTERS!

Thanks,
The Real American Christo

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Hi. So this week’s oldieo is a follow-up to last week’s post.

As I mentioned, CLOSE QUARTERS is a pilot project I rushed out with the help of my friends in two weeks time for F/X a few years back. Last week’s video was the series teaser, and this week’s is the short 2 1/2 minute scene that follows. We submitted both which proved fruitless at the time, but forced our hand to produce something original and fun amongst ourselves, and that’s all that truly matters (says the upbeat afterschool special). Considering the crap that F/X picked up that year, I’m not exactly losing sleep knowing we weren’t the chosen ones. My goal with the scene was to show a random lazy weekday situation at the CQ residence.

Jason is hooked up to some wacky experimental lab wiring while he hurls Mike & Ikes at the sleeping Big Daddy, Ed is hustling to find the keys to their car in order to meet his ladyfriend Erica at the Super Chinese Buffet (how romantic), and Garrett is off trying to avoid the guys by working on his memoirs. Jay’s casual game of “sink candy down Chris’s gaping mouth” gets competitive when Ed jumps in on a cash bet. The two make so much noise that Garrett is forced to see what the commotion is all about, then he too gets sucked into the money match. Jay finally hits a shot and wins the bet, however in doing so the candy gets lodged in Chris’s throat, and he begins to choke. The three gambling fools aren’t the coolest cats in pressure situations, and scramble the best they can to execute the proper safety procedures to rescue Chris. Ed’s life incompetence pushes Chris so far that he begins to choke his roomate in a fit of rage. Mr. Morris (the sage elder) finally dislodges the candy by pounding on Chris’s back, and for a moment the guys are allowed to catch their breath until an exhausted Chris collapses on the couch and unconsciously begins to swallow fistfuls of Mike & Ikes, concluding with a self-induced choking situation to the guys’ utter disbelief.

MY FAVORITE MOMENTS IN CQ:

1) The Credits - opening and closing. I originally wanted a steadicam and desired to somehow sweep down the street to settle on the front of the house a la Mama’s Family or The Beverly Hill Billies. I grew up a big TV junky and have always had an affinity for cheesy sitcom openings. IMHO, The Three’s Company intro shot at the Santa Monica pier is easily the best opening in sitcom history. I wanted to keep in that vein of cheese. Even the theme song closely resembles the whining guitars from Saved By The Bell. Considering the limited time and resources, the simple act of waving at the camera with Garrett looking out of place is a sufficient way to open and close the clips for sure. Plus, I had a lot of fun hurling a 5 lb Sunday paper at Chris and J-Raff’s head.

2) Garrettisms - the clip of him being mezmorized by a crumpled ball of ones and muttering “money” while in said trance is the funniest line in the project hands down. During the traveling montage in the teaser, Garrett is on the phone with the electric company arguing about a delinquent bill. The audio isn’t very clear in the sequence, but watching him create a situation with an imaginary customer service rep during the take was extremely entertaining. He is still one funny dude!

3) The establishing shot of inside Garrett’s apartment while he listens the horse race - the Andy Warhol-inspired portraits on the wall, the cluttered Morris memorabilia and photo shrine on the mantle - David Lukan did one fantastic job on set design considering the money constraints.

4) The chemistry and energy amongst the four guys - like I said last week, these guys just loved busting each other up, and the shoot was more fun than business. Garrett was a sport for making fun of himself and playing in a project opposite three little brats.The funny thing is I can produce a project of this caliber once every other week. I work fast, the material is cute if not legitimately funny, it’s quasi-professional considering the video garbage produced now-a-days.

I have 4,000 ideas that have yet to be realized. WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING BLOGGING ABOUT WANTING TO SHOOT SOMETHING??? Why am I not out there just producing right now? Things cost money for sure, but if you want it that badly, there’s always a way. If this is the kinda cute crap I would like to consume the rest of my life with, then why am I complaining about being poor and unrealized, and not making strides towards career success?I’ve recently reduced myself to a 5-6 month window of opportunity in LA. If I don’t produce something I truly sink time, thought and energy into, then I will leave California and return back East. I moved out to LA at the age of 21, and have skipped down many different career avenues, yet I now find myself here talking to you at the age of 25-26. No one’s getting any younger, and it’s time I really gave this thing a true shot instead of being embarrassed of my old student projects or rushing through shorts like this one. If this is what I’m supposed to be wasting my life on, then the next 5 months shall be very telling. I’ve always been the type of person who is capable of running the show himself, but mentally I need at least one commrade or pillar of support to fascilitate the process. On this project, I had Lukan there pushing us through. On the BU projects, I had crabby professors and deadlines staring me in the face. These next few months represent the final shot I’m giving myself- I need to attempt it once more, for if I don’t and leave without doing so, I’ll be wondering “what if” for the rest of my life (aww, how cliche).I need some support. Give your kid a little encouragement. I can’t help being an impractical dreamer, it wasn’t by choice I can promise you that. I’m sick of playing in the sandbox, I wanna crack at something real. BOTTOM OF THE NINTH is as big of a shot as I’ve ever taken, and seeing that was five years ago, I’m due for one last hurrah.

Hoo-rah!
Christo

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This week’s oldieo is one of my favorite projects I’ve produced.

CLOSE QUARTERS is a pilot presentation for the F/X network shot in June 2006. At the time, I was still working at The Agency Group, as was my good friend David Lukan. Lukan and I had been wanting to get off our behinds and collaborate on something, and the stars aligned for us to shoot this project quick. We received a 14-day deadline from F/X- that’s project conception to post-production completion - a very tall order indeed. 

At this point, I’m basically a Junior Agent covering clients and generating activity where I could. One of our clients was original SNL cast member Garrett Morris, who is now a working actor in his 70s. I grew quite close to Garrett while at TAG- we’re buddies and we would often hang out and talk about doing a project together. Well, this pops up and like a champion, Garrett agrees to play (and make fun of) himself in our project about three 20-something slackers who get evicted and sublet a bedroom off the aging and practically retired Mr. Morris.

This is actually Garrett’s headshot, taken by the famous photographer Olan Mills.

I whip together the script, then rush through pre-production with the aid of my friends. Everything somehow comes together in the nick of time, and we find ourselves shooting a mini, two-camera production with light/grip package and a great little set design. Photography took a day and a half, and was practically a flawless production with the exception of one set-up where the boom mic wasn’t on and we had to awkwardly ADR dialogue later (I’ll let you find where that spot may be).

Garrett was a trooper on set, especially considering it was the hottest day of the year (like 100 degrees indoors and under lights), and like a pro, he delivered a classic performance. Starring opposite Garrett is Big Daddy and J-Raff who you’ve seen before, along with our hilarious pal Ed Ellington. I also met Ed through TAG, and we’ve become good friends over the past few years. Ellington’s currently in Mississippi producing a documentary with real money financing it (that sonofabitch!).

These four are quite the little comedy quartet. It was near impossible harnessing their attention for a take because all they would do is try to make the other guy laugh. Needless to say, one funny-ass shoot!

The above-posted video is the teaser to the prospective series. We submitted this and a 2 1/2 minute scene that I’ll post next week as part 2 to the series. The premise is as follows:

Three 20-something slackers get evicted from their apartment and need to find the cheapest place available in Los Angeles. They find an ad for a room for rent in North Hollywood for only 800 dollars, and decide to check it out. B-list TV star Garrett Morris is broke, unemployed, and a recent gambling debt has forced his hand to the desparate measure of taking on a roomate. When three grown idiots show up at his front door, he immediately tells them to take a hike. But when they flash the only wad of cash they have, Garrett can’t refuse and decides to take them in as tennants. 

Basically, the project is a spoof/homage to cheesy sitcoms of yesteryear. I call the piece my “Three Stooges meets Three’s Company“. Situational comedy where misunderstandings often occur between polar opposites- a classic situation as American as tax evasion. If this ever made it to series, the plan would be to throw these four numbskulls in various situations, and watch them dig their way out of it (a la countless Stooges’ mishaps).

So we make the deadline and submit the project, but didn’t get picked up for a number of weird reasons. I was a little deflated with the outcome, but I did and still feel good about our final product, especially given the limited resources and time crunch. We completed the project in two weeks on 1 1/2 production days and with a budget of 900 dollars. I’ve always played the procrastinator with deadlines, and feel that forces me into a good creative space time and time again. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it once more, necessity is the mother of invention. When you’re back’s up against the wall, you must come through with something. CLOSE QUARTERS is very much my version of something.

Anyway, enough blabber - hope you enjoy CQ, this one was definitely a good time!

Ma’halo,
Christo

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Hey mom. Glad you decided to visit my site again, considering you’re its only reader.

This is a picture of me and my mom that time we were Asian women.

Today’s post is a short and quick one. We just started casting on our sketch comedy project running in June, and the next two months will be filled with a lot of rehearsal and other time-consuming excitement. To your dismay, I won’t be able to write my normal novel-length posts which you find oh-so fascinating.

On to today’s oldieo!

BOSTON MEMORIES is the first piece I ever shot on film. It’s a 2 1/2 minute portrait of the city I schooled in and grew up near. I scrambled to put the project together as a present for my Dad’s birthday in October 2001. I love making creative presents for family members, and I tried to make this one extra-special for my big-lug-ova-pop.

My father Bobby lived in Boston when he was 17 years old for a few years before meeting Ma and enlisting in the service. He shared an apartment with a few buddies in the Fens, and I still recall stories he told of being able to watch Sox games from his living room window- frankly, I love to picture my father roaming the city as a youth. Considering I was about the same age he was when living in the same area, I decided to shoot my own “Man With A Movie Camera” Boston city-scape to evoke memories of old. I dragged J-Raff out of the dorm to be my cameraman as we bounced around the city one afternoon making this project for my pop.

This is a picture of me and pop on the set of IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY

BOSTON MEMORIES was shot on a 16mm bolex film camera I had purchased before any production class or real shooting experience, and needless to say it looks like something produced by a clueless kid. I had the option to either buy a digital camera or a 16mm, and decided that it was important to learn where film came from before blindly jumping into the digital era like so many other doofuses (doofi?). I bought the camera off ebay for a few hundred bucks- it was a Sweedish bolex with a viewfinder that provided a skewed view of the captured image. Translation: I couldn’t properly see the frame before filming, so I had to guestimate (oh fun memories!). After the camera, I purchased my first light meter for 11 bucks. The thing was from the 1960s and couldn’t register a reading if it were within 10 feet of the Sun’s scorching gases.

My first meter closely resembled this model from the 1960s. Aside from faking light readings, it also doubled as hair clippers or a police dispatch radio.

Having equipment in hand, I bought a 100-foot daylight spool of B&W positive to shoot on. I didn’t have any access to an editing bay, so I had to be content with an in-camera edit (meaning whatever I shot, I must live with). I don’t think I loaded the film in the camera correctly, hence the annoying flashes of overexposure running throughout.

So with these obstacles to hurdle, J-Raff and I pranced around town filming iconic buildings and landscapes the best we could. The little blip moving across the majority of the frames is me. My objective was to create a moving time capsule- something that would remind my father of the city, while capturing images of me as a youth in Boston. Who knows, maybe this site will somehow still exist when I have kids, and they can watch their pop running in an homage to his pop.

Anyway, fond memories of this one. I rushed out a print in time for my father’s birthday, but originally had to dub it to VHS and separately play a music track (A Bill Lee original piece from his son Spike’s SHE’S GOTTA HAVE IT) on CD out of an old boom box. The music in this clip is a random jazz song tacked on for web posting- the original score was much more nostalgic and cool. A nice birthday present, a fair attempt at my first project on film, and good memories of a little snot running around his beloved city with a movie camera.

…NEXT WEEK’S OLDIEO will kick off a series of posts of my last project shot (*cough* 2006 *Jeez!! coughcough*)- a comedy pilot presentation reel I wrote and directed, starring my old pal Garrett Morris.

35 years later and the man hasn’t aged a day. It helps that he looked 65 when he was 20.

Talk to you soon, thanks friends!

Yours truly,
Brent Christo

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Bonjour, good Thursday to you.

Today’s oldieo is keeping true to this week’s sports theme. BOTTOM OF THE NINTH is my unfinished five-year-old opus that was never fully realized for a number of reasons. Seeing footage from this short pains me, but also forces me to crack a smile now and then. The backstory for this one is epic, so let’s begin.

IT WAS THE SUMMER between junior and senior year (yes ray.com, the “Summer of Summers”) and I was on top of da wohuld. RONNIE BUNUEL was the last thing I shot, and I felt pretty comfortable with my progressing film experience. The first part of the Summer was spent primarily with ray.com, T-Brady and Marc Andrade. Every single day the three of us went to the gym, played basketball at the old high school court, then ended up over Lt. Richards’s house for beers, cards and other mischief. It was your classic, lazy-guy summer o’ fun with some good old boys…

I was working production jobs here and there, and gaffed freelance where and when I could. An industry friend was producing a feature in Rhode Island in July and August, and she asked me to jump on board to light the thing. At the time it was a fairly big deal as it was to be my first feature as a gaffer, starring name talent, working with a known DP, etc. I originally got involved with freelance production to gain experience and meet creative people in New England (all 6 of them), but at this point gigs for me had morphed into a money-hunt; I was more concerned with my next paycheck than the love of the game. I mean the school year before, I was cutting classes to work fairly prestigious jobs for such a young kid, so needless to say I was riding a high and not really caring where it took me…

I get a call three days before principal photography in late July: the feature gets bumped back to September/October ‘03. I am fairly devastated. A big gig and huge opportunity for experience flushed down the drain. In good conscience I couldn’t skip the first two months of my senior year for a small indie feature, so I was left depressed with a wide-open August.

I’m in Bellingham moping around the house when my Dad smacks some sense into me. He reminds me that my goal in life isn’t to become a working gaffer, but to write and produce my own chuckly crap. I begin to agree, and he tells me to get off my ass and use my free time to shoot a killer short. His mini pep rally works, and all of a sudden I’m in pre-prod on a 35mm sports/art short that I haven’t even written yet…

IN A THREE-WEEK SPAN I finish a script with my old pal Federman, land a producing partner, cast 8 principals, 40 extras, 15 crew, land a 35mm camera, film stock, a 5-ton grip truck with HMI package, book a baseball field, and oh yea a 30-foot crane. I think about that now and wonder why this same d-bag has problems filing taxes with 2 W-2s. As far as the production value, I was and still am very proud of what I was able to throw together for 2500 bucks, a wing and a prayer.

Principal photography arrives. We have three days to shoot a complicated day/night 13 pg script. Let me take a moment to provide a quick logline as to better understand the premise. I wrote this for Dennis Lemoine’s website about four years ago, so I’m plagurizing myself:

BOTTOM OF THE NINTH (or 8 1/2 Innings) is a surreal, coming-of-age story about the pressures a young boy faces to succeed in the little league championship. The work is an homage to Federico Fellini’s 1963 classic 8 1/2.

Sounds pretentious, no? My balls were just a little bigger back then, what can I say.

Our first shoot day was a complicated crane shot a la the opening to 8 1/2 with the traffic jam. A really challenging set-up day, so we’re already behind right from the get-go. The next two shoot days are spent running around a baseball diamond with a ton of little leaguers. At the end of back-to-back 16-hour days, I addressed the entire production. It’s 1:30am Monday morning, and I’m practically in tears thanking everyone for their dedication and hard work. Like I said, it’s really impressive the amount we accomplished in such little time, and that experience alone inspires me to keep drudging along, no matter how rocky the path.

TRAGEDY STRIKES: The shoot leads directly into my senior year film and production studies at BU. First semester would prove to be my biggest and final film project at BU with FRANCO MUST DIE. I met Dennis Lemoine on a Harvard short film, and I knew I had to work with him as much as possible. I cast him as “The Coach” in BO9th, then again as “Franco” - something about his dry, smug wit that is so biting. The guy understands funny, bottom line. So I knew Dennis going into my baseball short, but hadn’t met CJ Sheppard until I noticed him on set a hilarious little league extra. CJ was constantly fighting for camera time and cracking good punch-lines left and right- it was obvious early on that this kid was an untrained start in the making. On BO9th, Dennis and CJ had great chemistry as Coach and Coach’s Lacky, so I decided to reunite them a month later for FRANCO.

Boy meets man, falls in love…

Starts a comedy franchise…

We’ve talked all about FRANCO, and school and partying took over my life 2nd half of senior year, so my plan for BO9th post-production was to have Nolan Reese, my future roomate in LA cut it together for me. He was on board (and still claims he’s on board 5 years later) to cut it once we moved out and were settled in, so it was a back-burner thing until then.

Fall 2004, one year since shooting the project with nothing to show for it. Nolan is beginning to despise working on my small projects in post at this point, and is generally too busy to attend to it. 2005 rolls around, and we decide to take a crack at cutting it. We find that 1) large parts of the storyline are missing from the unexposed can that was inspected, x-rayed and ruined at the airport, 2) there are major sync sound issues that are going to screw the rest of the project, and 3) Nolan is intimated by the workload and ultimately puts off the project (minus a few clips like this one posted) for…ever.

So five years later, and all I have to show for this project is a few strung-together clips and a bunch of soundless dailies. The final product wouldn’t have been anything mind-blowing, but still given the time and effort put into it, I feel it’s a real letdown not to have something half-completed. People have asked me about it over the years, and I run circles around any real answer - my laziness; my lack of finance; I’m surrounded by laziness; too little too late. So my homage to Fellini’s 8 1/2 turns into his unrealized Voyage of G Mastorna - the white whale of a project that somehow escaped him for over 40 years.

Now you understand why I smirk and cringe when watching this clip. It reminds me of a goal half-realized- I have way too many of those in my life, I really don’t need another. But then again I had a wonderful time running around like a madman, schmoozing, creating useless business, and befriending a great bunch of humans along the way.

Let me close with a fond and goofy memory from the shoot:

During lunch break of day two, all of the little leaguers gathered for a pick-up game of baseball. I’m pounding a sandwich and have a ton of things to do, but somehow I’m coaxed over to the baseball diamond for a quick at-bat. Mind you that the closest in my life I’ve ever come to organized baseball was when I quit on the first day of little league because it conflicted with my piano lessons (something I held against my parents for years, but thank them for now). So this at-bat against this heat-chucking 12-year-old was like my debut at Fenway or something. I step in the batter’s box wearing a really tight helmet to face off against this little pudgy ace. He blows his first two pitches by me for swinging strikes, and now all the parents and kids are laughing it up because the writer/director of a baseball movie is about to strike out in embarrassing fashion. I take a moment aside in an attempt to conserve any strength and dignity I have left, then ready for the third pitch. The kid hurls another fastball and I launch it deep dead center field into the trees out of the park. It…was my first homerun ever. So I’m mildly freaking and enjoying my gallop around the bases, feeling like a big man who just took some kid yard. The parents and crew are all laughing, yet mildly disturbed at how elated I was to hit a dinger. Not-so-secretly one of my favorite moments from the shoot haha.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the fragment from BOTTOM OF THE NINTH. This August will mark the project’s five-year anniversary, and I haven’t come close to that size of production since.

Maybe one day soon I’ll smack a dinger again…

Thanks for reading if you did!
#6

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 Yo! Hope your week is buzzzing along. I’ve had my share of ups and downs, but I really can’t complain.So this week’s oldieo video is a personal favorite called FRANCO MUST DIE. This short was my Production 2 final shot first semester senior year. My filmic landmarks over four years at BU are as follows:FRESHMAN YEAR: I drank and slept a lot.Back then I was the male version of Lindsay Lohan minus the 300 STDsSOPHMORE YEAR: I purchased my first 16mm camera - A Swiss Bolex that didn’t have a corrected viewfinder so I had to guess what the frame looked like. Also purchased an $11 light meter that couldn’t produce a reading if it were 10 feet away from the sun. Shot some embarrassing sample projects before knowing anything about film production (I’ll post those here when I run out of better material).Summer after Sophmore year I worked on former BU Professor Stephen Geller’s masterpiece MOTHER’S LITTLE HELPERS in Providence, RI. The film and Stephen are both giant pieces of shit, but on the shoot I made some great BU friends and really learned how to light for film and TV.I’m glad I spent $160k on college to learn film from a pervert, egomaniac, and apparent part-time traffic cop. Vonnegut is rolling in his grave, you hacky asshole!JUNIOR YEAR: Production 1 rolls around, I film LA CIUDAD EN VIVO with my long lost Spanish friend Joan as my portrait exercise. I’ll post this another day and rant all about it then. My final project for Prod 1 was RONNIE BUNUEL which you’ve seen here. I purchased my 2nd camera - a wind-up, 16mm from the Soviet Union called the Krasnorgorsk-3 (or K-3). I still have the ol’ K-3 in my possession and plan on shooting something small soon.The Honda Accord of 16mm film camerasThroughout the year, I was cutting class like mad to professionally Gaff shorts, commercials, politicals - you name it, I lit it. I’m 19 and making $350 for 6 hours of work lighting Bernie and Phyl’s furniture commercials. The crew on the Geller shoot really taught me well, and I definitely took advantage of my schooling.“I haid ah nightmahea Douctoa Phyl. Everyone’s tellin’ me NO! NO, NO, NOOOO”Summer after Junior year I was in line to gaff my first independent feature. It was a big deal at the time - Phoebe Cates and a few other names starring, a good working DP shooting - all the elements to yield promising future connections and work. However, in July they decided to push the production back to fall of 2004, which would cut into my Senior year at BU. In good conscience I couldn’t miss an entire semester of my last year in college, so I ultimately passed on the project. Completely heartbroken, I was wallowing in self-pity until my Dad kicked me in the ass and demanded that I shoot something for myself instead of working on other people’s projects. So in three weeks time, I scraped together a cast and crew of 30 people, 5-ton grip truck, HMIs, track, even a crane to shoot my half-realized 35mm pet project BOTTOM OF THE NINTH. It was most assuredly my opus to date, and I am quite proud of the fact that I was a 20-year-old kid who put together such a large production by himself, but the final cut of the short was never produced because of damaging sound issues. Still the fact that I produced and directed a project like that on a wing and a prayer inspires me to this day to keep struggling until I get the next opportunity to showcase my abilities. I have one clip of BO9 assembled, and I’ll post that in the future and further discuss.SENIOR YEAR: First semester is Production 2, and my first exercise shot is I DID A BAD THING. Our final project for the class is FRANCO and the only other thing I shot all year was the ever-goofy REGULATORS music video.Since graduating I really haven’t shot that much. We did ANTUANUA then the CLOSE QUARTERS webseries with Garrett Morris, but even that was about two years ago. I need to get behind the camera soon- with my recent studies and overall maturity in life(ish), I know the next time I shoot something serious it will be my best creation to date.BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME, LET’S TALK ABOUT YO…FRANCO MUST DIE!I nominated myself to write and direct our group’s final project like the pompous little prick I was. Our group consisted of Brent Christo - Dir, John Longino - DP (the guy with the “fuck you” glasses whistling in REGULATORS), Liz Berry - Sound, Producer, and Bridget Carbury - Set Design, Producer. The night before our story outline is due in class, I come up with the hairbrained idea to write about a 12-year old kid who travels to Chicago to kill Oprah for screwing up his family. Obviously I couldn’t use Oprah or else I’d receive death threats from Winfrey’s 140 million woman malitia, so I created an arrogant TV talk show personality named Franco. Essentially, FRANCO MUST DIE is an attack on mindless TV and its effects on a regular adolescent boy’s family. His mother is a zombie that repeats everything Franco advises, his sister is proud of her floozy ways, and his father loses his job because he pretends that he himself is a talk show personality. Danny (played by the incredibly talented CJ Sheppard of Medway, MA) decides to ride bikes with his neighborhood pal Jamaica across country to kill Franco at his studio - as if getting Franco off the air would solve his problems at home. Anyway, there’s almost a cute moral at the end, then Franco gets accidentally killed and Danny must take over as the new host. The initial ending was lost as the reel it was on didn’t process correctly. Instead of cutting to an epilogue, we originally filmed Danny’s family on their living room couch watching their son host, but still in the same brainwashed frame of mind they had from the outset (as if to sprinkle a little 1984-doomed mentality on top).Our talentless professor Sam Kaufmann not only disliked the story, but CHALLENGED me to shoot everything in two days time. He thought I was a baffoon (practically called me as such in front of the class) for thinking I had the ability to shoot 6 complicated scenes with different locations and designs in a matter of two days, but I argued that I had production experience and can “sew like the wind”. He ultimately signed off on the project, and weeks later chose ours to close out the production 2 screening of 8 featured films. At the screening, our cute product was very well-received, and I can objectively attest that it was the best production of the night. I recall my classmate Sarah Newbold approached me after the screening. Her uh art(?) film was panned by the audience, and she sulkingly belittled my project to my face. Provoking me, she argued that my film was a success only because of the cheap jokes that have mass appeal (basically labeling the audience as a bunch of morons for not appreciating her work of art). Similar to RONNIE BUNUEL, I had my fair share of critics and rivals on this project, but I personally enjoy the final product and look back on the entire production process fondly.FAVORITE MOMENT: Well two actually. The Danny training montage is classic - CJ is just so talented, a real diamond in the rough. He had no previous acting experience, but he took direction well and we got along swimmingly. The first shot we filmed on the project is when CJ tackles the shit out of a trash can when prepping to assassinate Franco. He nails it in one take, and I instantly knew we had something special with this little raspy-voiced charmer (By the way, CJ must be about 18 now, and probably wants to kick my ass for some reason…and can most definitely kick my ass inside-out). My second favorite scene is between CJ and his sister Debbie, as she pokes holes in her boyfriend’s condoms so she can get pregnant. Her dialogue and delivery, and CJ’s reactions still crack me up….Actually, the raw video footage of Franco (Dennis Lemoine), Artemis (Jason Raffile) and Shemp (me) on the Franco show is GENIUS. I’ve never EVER seen J-Raff more hilarious and on top of his game, even the talented Dennis was struggling to keep up with his sheer genius in improvisation. I emailed John Longino earlier this week in search of a copy of those dailies, and he said it’s a long shot, but he’ll try to locate it. I really hope that somehow surfaces so I can post it and prove to you I’m not a liar. There’s a moment where J and I fight like the white trash we are, and he is screaming, “I hate you Shemp!! You stole my pizza like you stole my baby-factory, we’re no longer freinds!!” If you listen closely during the credits, you can hear some of that amazing dialogue. Fucking priceless!It was a fun shoot, a solid little project and an important landmark in my ongoing affair with cinema. I think my personal big three (chronologically) are RONNIE BUNUEL, FRANCO MUST DIE (BO9 if it were completed) then CLOSE QUARTERS.Please encourage me to top them all with my next short - it’s going to be a real winner, I can feel it callin’ in the air tonight.Adieu,Brento Christo

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Happy Good Friday to the religious type, and to everyone else, I hope you catch that fuckin Bunny and force him to divulge the coordinates of all those delicious cadbury eggs.

So today’s video is just a quick follow-up to the last goofy post: the bloopers from the REGULATOR(S) shoot. Not overly funny to anyone outside the cast really, but still good to see extra footage of Longino’s odd attempt to cry/relish victory with trashbag Kleinman. My favorite moment in this, even though it’s mistakenly repeated about 400 times, is when Kleiny sincerely pleads with Jay to stop slashing the knife at him. This vid is more of a “you must be really bored and want to spy like a voyeur on a bunch of misshaped college dudes in revealing gym shorts.” (…and if that’s the cup of tea you’re pourin, I’m a-drinkin!)

…Is it just me or does my arm in the above-freeze frame eerily resemble an $8 turkey drumstick you can only buy at Disneyworld’s Frontierland? That RAC body-type was during a time when the only thing I was lifting was a 12-pack of Miller Lite and assorted donuts (Cinnamon is the shit, don’t lie to yourself). One year before this video I was in the middle of taking andros and cut like no other. To spin perspective, I could bench approximately 290 lbs then when I now max out at 185 if I’m lucky. The problem with hard supplements like that is, once you stop taking them you kind of turn into the Michelin tire ghost. And that’s him up there wearing a doo-rag and giggling like Strawberry Shortcake.

…IN other news, last Saturday I attended the coolest live performance I’ve ever seen - The 90’s MTV sketch group THE STATE gathered for their first reunion in 11 years to perform one night only at The UCB theater. Admittance was only $10 each, but they sold out in about 3 minutes so it was a hard ticket to nab. We were in line about an hour and a half before the performance, and there was about 150 people behind us that didn’t get in. When waiting in line, all The State guys passed by to enter the theater. They’re all friendly dudes, and chatted up parts of the line on their way in. My favorite group member has always been and forever will be Ken Marino. Ken was about to walk right by us when I stopped him and wished him a good performance. He was fairly quiet and serious, but seemed like he wanted to chat with us for a second or two. Here’s a transcript of our run-in:

The RAC: “Hey Marino!”
Ken Marino: “Oh, hi guys.”
The RAC: “Hey listen Ken, have a good performance tonight, go get’em bud.”
Ken Marino: “Say, thanks. Uh, you guys here for the show?”
The RAC: “No.”

He looked confused, then shook Nols’s hand and took off. I probably shouldn’t have punked one of my comedy heroes like that, but that’s where the moment took my peanut-brain.

Anyway the SHOW was incredible!!! They performed about 10 sketches, and everyone was there except the two Michaels (Ian Black and Showalter) who contributed with a half-ass video sent from NYC. Thomas Lennon, Kerri Kenny, Ben Garant, Joe Lo Truglio, Kevin Allison - all amazing and hysterical. But Marino…stole the friggin show, no lie! The two best sketches were the first and last with Ken as the figurepiece. The first was a spoof on the Founding Fathers drafting the Bill of Rights, with everyone acting the proper colonial part except Marino who perfectly executed as the loudmouth, spit-balling father persuading others to pass ridiculous amendments.

Marino begs Jefferson to agree on the penguin instead of the bald eagle as America’s bird. “Jeff,Jeff,Jeffy..Jefferson c’mon man! Nobody wants the bald eagle! You hear bald eagle and you think bald! Bald is a terrible friggin thing man!”

Kevin Allison reprised his State character of “Kookoo Coach” and delivered an impressive and wordy monologue. He addressed the audience as though they were a pathetic Varsity Football team with a slew of sweet, young male asses. He’s so good at the maniacal blood-boiling rant…

“Now I know you boys have never seen me before and I’m not your coach…”

Marino killed in the performance of the night when the group performed “Cookiepuss Mafia”. Everyone was in Soprano’s garb with Marino doing his best New Jersey mafia boss, Tony Soprano impression. They are about to make someone, and have all the ceremonial tools in place to do so, but the new crime member hasn’t shown up yet. They’re all waiting around and Marino explains that he bought a Cookiepuss ice cream cake from Carvel to eat AFTER they make the guy. So the entire sketch is centered around the delicious Cookiepuss and everyone getting too antsy to wait for the guy to show. Marino as the Skip has to gun down his underlings for stepping out of line when it comes to Cookiepuss. The picture below is of the only moment in the show when anyone broke- David Wain’s flailing makes Marino break character for a second, and the crowd jumped all over the delightfully real and humorous occasion.

“Hey uh Skip, so what exactly is a Cookiepuss supposed to be anyway?” (In the most put-out, and serious of tones) “He’s a magical cookie spaceman from the planet Birthday.”

I could go on forever about the show, but I’ll leave it at that. I recall staying up with my older sister Stef as we stole the remote from my sleeping dad to flick to the new State episode each week. I was exposed to the group at the perfect time in my comedy development, and credit them and MST3K as my two main influences growing up. I had the honor of representing Jo Lo Truglio when at The Agency Group, and every other time he called in I flooded him with questions about future State stuff. There’s a rumor that the UCB show and it’s content was a try-out for material for a State movie, upon which I will have a heart attack if they commit to.

Take a bow boys and Kerri, you deserve it.

A quick personal update on The RAC’s current LA situation:

- He is working hard with Ken and Big Daddy on the 25 minute pilot episode of THE SURVIVAL and will have it out as soon as possible.
- He is beyond broke, unemployed, and willing to work for food other than Ramen noodles (OH, sorry if they’re stinking up the joint my halitosis-riddled roommate!)
- He was on a great track until Ray.com vacation weekend. I don’t think he’s exactly recovered from that weekend yet.

Things The RAC is lacking:

- I’ll repeat, a job
- Money
- Focus in meditation
- General accomplishments

But besides that, things are swell.

…And on that down note, HAPPY EASTER!

Bye,
Brento

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Hey sports fans, welcome back to the crap.

Today’s post is a goofy project I did for an editing course at BU. REGULATORS was a music video project quickly pieced together in a few hours - the “thugs” were alerted last minute and champs for participating, the costume is obviously a raid on extra junk lying around the dorm (especially the trash bag garment), hell the song wasn’t even determined until the day of shooting.

In fact, hours before filming I asked Jay if he wanted to lip sync to any song of his desire, and being a lifelong fan of Warren G, he chose Regulators. I think it’s a great song and threw together some funny elements in the nick of time, however I am not familiar with the words outside the chorus and it’s glaringly obvious that Nate Dogg in the video doesn’t know what the hell he’s singing about. But then again, at this point that’s half the comedy - J-Raff is incredibly accurate and sells the performance, I clumsily get in the way like an Ox that dies on the Oregon Trail.

Besides another J-Gem performance, there are a few quirky things I still get a kick out of when watching this goofy parody of a music video:

1) The two groups that knife fight in a back alley (in Allston) are somehow thug cronies during the other half of the video as Jay narrates the events. How did that happen? Did they kiss and makeup? Is the alley scrap a LOST flash-forward?

2) There’s a sequence of Nate Dogg bumping a line of coke in a kitchen as the door magically blows open to call upon his aid in the alley fight. I think I just wanted to sneak in a shot of someone bumping a line of coke, then having to confront his actions immediately after. I love those moments in cheesy cop movies when the bad guy does something terrible like drugs or eff a hooker, then addresses it head-on when someone walks in on the situation. That aside, I think I’m more mystified by the magical wind that blows the kitchen door open.

3) The “thugies” - Mikey Walsh, John Longino (who I ran into at the State reunion show at UCB Saturday- will post about that separately) and “Soggy” Dave round out the all-white terror gang. Mikey is funny in this as he never makes a face and changes poses every 45 seconds. John-Long looks hysterical with wife beater, bowtie, cummerbund and duct taped “Fuck You” glasses (which he couldn’t see out of). Soggy is just along for the ride, and agreed to wear nothing but a trash bag (a visual gag of mine finally realized). You can tell he almost breaks when accidentally taking a real swig of Listerine. All good fellas for playing along and suffering through the track about 10 times on loop.

Well, like I said, conceptually 20 minutes, photography 3 hours, and talking Nolan into cutting it about 4 minutes - this thing was thrown together faster than a Barbie doll manufactured in Korea, but still a fun shoot and another brilliant J-Raff performance.

I’ve been trying to get him to perform in another music video since shooting this years ago, but we’ve never come up with a great song to slug a grand slam with. Hopefully we’ll shoot the follow-up to REGULATORS for this website sometime in the next few weeks…

Speaking of shooting new stuff, we started filming a bit for THE SURVIVAL - this site’s first new webseries. At this rate, the pilot’s going to to be about 48 minutes long (oh, what, don’t have the attention span??!?!?) and my acting is horrendous, but it’s just fun to carelessly throw something together without worrying about the final product, and it’s good QT with Big Daddy and Kenny B. If it doesn’t translate as funny to you, I don’t really care because you don’t make me laugh either, so I don’t owe you shit.

And on that note, do enjoy the old J-Raff classic REGULATOR(S). In a day or two, I’ll post the blooper reel for your senseless viewing pleasure* (see Welcome to RAC video)

…and to buy precious time.

Ma’halo,
Brent Christo

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Hi, just want to start by saying hope you’re doing fine. I realllly do.

So this next Oldieo is my attempt at a man-on-the-street comedy Q&A bit (you know, the sort of thing that make people look stupid). J-Raff is Antuanua, Psychic of the Future as we spent one sunny afternoon walking around 3rd Street and the Santa Monica Pier taping (illegally) and stopping everyone in our path. I was operating Nolan’s 1st generation DV cam* (see Welcome to RAC) and doing my best shaky, reality-esque capturing. For some reason, Jay was practically up all night doing something, and was coasting on fumes when we shot this, but his performance was one for the ages. All of his Q&A was lightening-quick improv, and he really hurled some classic curve balls at the poor tourists and locals.

Personal favorite J-Raff exchange:

Antuanua: I’m from Albania, we have the cold harsh winters…it took my father…
Lady: Oh, that’s bad…
Antuanua: Well, he was a bad guy…
Lady: Oh, then that’s good…
Antuanua…eh, still my father.

…Jason had an interview that night after shooting for six hours in the blazing sun with no liquids (and not to mention his all-nighter) and is fairly certain that the events in that 24 hour span acted as a catalyst for his later-to-be-discovered Type-1 Diabetes. I know what you’re thinking, Type 1 is inborn and normally discovered in early childhood development, but Jay was a rare case that was exposed and triggered at the tender age of 24. For three weeks following the shooting of this piece, Jay was practically bed-ridden and could only hold down liquids like gatorade and soda. One trip to Ralph’s, he literally spent $45 on a liquid grocery run. By the third and fourth week, Jason’s “thurst” (as we called it) had caused him to drop a stunning 30 pounds, resembling a skeleton with jet-black curly hair (I thought he looked “handsome-skinny”). He could barely muster enough strength to walk from his bed to the living room couch, and had trouble drooling words and sentences from his lips. I was home sick one day from work near the end of his home-remedied ordeal when J-Raff looked at me and finally said, “I…Drive me to the E.R. please.” Well, we got there just in time, and if he put off the hospital for one more half-day he might have slipped into a self-induced coma. If that had happened, us brain surgeons would have thought Jay’s situation had moved from “thurst” to “Zs”. He checked into UCLA, and then proceeded to stay in the ICU to get pumped with life-liquids for a good 4-5 days. When the doctors told him he was diabetic, us grandstanders were like, “Ohhh. The ‘thurst’ EQUALS diabetes, duh!”

So essentially, Jason acquired a lifelong illness to bring you 5 minutes of chuckles. And with that in mind, do enjoy Jason Raffile as Antuanua (named after the old shitty bar on Beacon St. in Boston might I add).

Enjoy and come back soon for my first Rad Rant!

Brento
Resident of the blahblahblah

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Aloha and welcome back friends. Today’s oldieo video is another short from BU called I DID A BAD THING. This was the first sync-sound exercise I shot after RONNIE BUNUEL so I find it appropriate to post right after. The exercise is the first project for Sam Kaufmann’s (sp?) Production 2 course - the requirement was to shoot a scene with a master shot, and two close-ups to show that (you’re not completely inept and) you understand basic scene coverage. And when I say basic I mean baaasic with four a’s.

The scene takes place in my Student Village living room at BU. Chris Frontiero (AKA Big Daddy; Big Crabby Apple; Big Happy; Big Tragedy; Big Trinity; Fronty) plays Mike, and Mikey Walsh (a great guy and a true Masshole) plays Chris. It’s a pretty straight forward scene - a redundant build-up to a chuckly punchline. Mikey and Big Daddy were champs for playing, but the moment of the exercise belongs to Mikey and Rob O’Dwyer - a subtle mug nod from Robby O that pierces through Mikey’s heart breathes what little life is present in the short. A quick two minutes, a cheap punchline but still a fun little piece.

You’ll notice that as these oldieo posts continue, I assembled a company of funny Brent Christo players:

“BIG DADDY” CHRIS FRONTIERO

JASON THOMAS RAFFILE

DENNIS LEMOINE

ROB O’DWYER

CJ SHEPPARD

MIKEY WALSH

From pre-teen to late 30’s bachelor, all at some point play my alter-ego. All characters in my shorts operate in their own absurd universe, hold no regard for acceptable social conditioning, and thoroughly enjoy in lighthearted torment of everyone they compete with in life. Ultimately they all mean well, but that doesn’t mean they won’t reak a tub-load of havoc along the way…

So I began writing this site’s first webseries THE SURVIVAL with Big D and Kenny B. It should be pretty funny and I’d love to get out the first episode as soon as possible, but that might require the posting of “whatever” blogs and “lesser” videos before that’s possible. Hell, if you make it that far to get to the watered-down material, I’ll throw each of you your own pizza party! By the way, why do pizza parties seem so outdated? Do kids still have birthdays at Burger King and McDonwalds or did that go the way of the Dodo as well? What the hell happened to slap wristbands goddamn it! Damn, how old am I getting? I feel like I’m still 15 with acne. Shit well, such is the boomerang generation - maybe I’ll go back to school and get 5 more degrees over the next 10 years while I decide what to do with ma fragile little existence.

Enjoy I DID A BAD THING - I’m sure one or two of you can relate to this situation, boy!

Brento
President of THE REAL AMERICAN CHRISTO