CONSOLATION PRIZE, FREE AGENCY, FRIENDLY FIRE…SCALABRINE!!!
November 18th, 2008 |This past weekend was the equivalent of a sports pregnant pause for a Boston fan. Pats and Cs both had down days, the Sox have been quiet so far this offseason, and the Bruins will count when Tim Thomas wins the Vezina trophy (aw hell, I’d settle for the Lady Bing).

Both Pedroia and Youk are in the mix for AL MVP, and by mix I mean mixed nuts of good-not-great season performances. Everyone in the running has their flaws, and little Dusty, who already has a ‘08 gold glove and silver slugger title to boot, just might have the stat line that puts him over the top. Check out DP’s season numbers (provided by Egghead McAdams):
Pedroia led the AL in doubles (54), runs scored (118), stolen base percentage (95.2 percent) and tied for the most hits (213 with Seattleās Ichiro Suzuki). He was second in batting average (.326), third in at-bats (653), tied for third in singles (140), and fourth in total bases (322).
Sure would be a nice little door prize for not making the Series. Last Boston player to win MVP??
MO in ‘95!

Meanwhile, the Sox brass are sitting on their rear ends as Hank the skank and the Yankees buy virtually every available player in the free agent market. They already made a bad-for-baseball overbid for C.C. Sabathia, and set their aim on Burnett AND D-Lowe (the only player the Sox might even be interested in). And I hate how a guy like Scott Boras, that ham-chinned brut of a superstar agent can single-handedly backdoor an entire sports league at his leisure. The lines he personally leaks to the press to manipulate sweating big-market GMs makes me want to hire a flock of stunt birds to shit on his well-groomed head.
And to think that slimeball will be a deciding factor in the Sox finally parting with their beloved Captain- an inevitable outcome, but you hate to think that Tek actually believes he’s worth 4 years at like $13 mil a season. Don’t look into Boras’s eyes, Tek, NOT IN THE EYES!!!

Varitek and his ill-managed avarice needs to fess up to Boston’s youth. “Uh, guys…Uncle Tekkie is going away for a lil’ while…here, have an autographed crew cut.”

The Celtics play tomorrow against the Knicks after a well-deserved weekend off. Hopefully they’ve recouped from the last game, a knock-down drag-out 102-97 victory in OT against the Bucks. Guys like Jefferson, Ridnour and Andrew Bogut were up the C’s butts all night long, and physically beating the brains out of them. Garnett got suspended for one game for his head-hack to Bogut in retaliation for Bogut’s head-hack to KG a millisecond earlier- to put it nicely, a bullshit penalty issued by the league (you don’t want to hear my not-nicely take on the matter). Pierce and Rondo violently collided in mid-air after a failed block attempt, leaving both bruised and shaken up for the rest of the game. And if insult, and injury isn’t enough for ya, we had a…
SCALABRINE SIGHTING

THE GREAT WHITE DOPE
When KG fouled out, Mr. Reliable Brian Scalabrine rose from the bench, dusted off his jersey and finished the game out for his fellow power forward, hitting 2-2 from the field, including a WTF are you doing?! 3-pointer. Everyone I have ever talked to is enamored with Scalabrine, and I get the same feeling from the Celtics. He’s our suckable white dude who never plays, is in terrible shape, knows he doesn’t offer much, if anything to the team, yet is a kooky fan favorite. I really do find it incredible that he basks in his bench allstar status, and I’m really not sure if he’s ever played basketball before. I participate in Celts live chat now and again, and people are always busting on Scalabrine for living up life in Mass like a local prince. He’s been spotted at least 5 times at various Wendy’s locations, and it’s been confirmed that he actually tries to throw his Celtics weight around in the drive-thru line. Scals is pictured above during a normal C’s practice, where in his downtime he mentally recites the 99 cent Super Value Menu.

The Patriots seem to be on a sliding scale after the Thursday night loss against the Jets for first place in the East has led to a must-win playoff-alivin’ rematch against the 6-4 Dolphins in a bout for sole possession of 2nd-place. Miami and their hodgepodge of Wildcat circus crap is really intimidating, and part of me thinks they flat-out own us this season. If New England happens to lose, we can fart any playoff hopes goodbye after Sunday. C’mon guys, I’m sick of all these painful poop analogies already. Shit or get off the pot!!!
FINALLY SOME BRUINS NEWS FOR YOU NAGGING LOUD-MOUTHS:

The Bru’s stave off the Maple Leafs yesterday to extend their lead in the Atlantic division with a record of 11-3-4, 26 points overall. They’ve won 8 out of their last 10, and everyone in Boston is starting to feel the franchise tug at their coattails like a forgotten disgruntled leprechaun in need of attention. I hear you but I STILL DON’T CARE!
…that is, unless you make it to the Stanley cup finals, then I’ll have to buy a Lucic jersey. That guy hits harder than Ike Turner, EAT BOARD TINA!

























































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