I just puked in my mouth a little.

Thank you for doing that.

Thank you very much.

That was beyond painful.

I don’t know whether I would prefer the blow-out or the let-down.

We lost a heart-breaker after an incredible comeback.

Not only did we lose in overtime at home, we lost first place, and suffered a shit-ton of injuries in the process.

Why does it seem like we’re on pace for the entire practice squad to start week 16???

Everyone’s dying,
but still they fight.

But it’s painful to watch at times.

But beaten up and demoralized, they’re still 6-4 in a crap-apple NFL.

Mangina may have one the battle, and he may win the war…but…

…well nothing. Eat my butt New York.

Hurts more than scraped knees - VERY OUCH, RIGHT?!

BLAH!!!!

WHEN THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!

Adalius Thomas broke his forearm at some point in the 2nd Quarter against Buffalo, and info-vultures like me casually discover the next day that he’s out for the rest of the season.

6-3, winning with a backup QB, RB, SS, and now OLB AD. This guy was having a killer season with a sack-load of sacks to boot. Big loss, and now 3rd-year LB Pierre Woods, who has show flashes of ability, will bear the brunt of AD’s workload. Story of the season- everyone must contribute in order to have a fighting chance. But this loss really screws things up for the front 7- AD is ridiculously versatile, a D leader in on virtually every snap. It really does smell like every cloud has its poopy lining this season.

INSULT TO INJURY

Man-geeI’mannoying and the New York Jerks signed old Patriots ghost CB Ty Law to their team just in time for Thursday’s match-up against New England. Sure, he’s a vet and has been in both Jets and Pats defensive systems, but someone tell me how he’s impacting this game! HE’S A COLLECTOR’S ITEM, A CHEERLEADER FOR GOD’S SAKE!!!

OK I am obviously jealous and miffed about this signing. Ty was one of my original defensive loves, stop whoring him out NFL!!

BILL, DO ME A FAVOR AND DESTROY BRETTY AND THE JETS

Take one, take two.

Both the Patriots and Celtics turned in impressive victories today via dominant defense.

6-3 Patriots, tied for 1st in the AFC East.
6-1 Celtics, alone atop the Eastern Conference.
Mass decriminalizes weed and bans dog racing.

What a week for the baystate, yeesh!

Pats celebrate after Cassel’s 13-yard touchdown run up the gut on the opening drive. Impressive performance from Matty C- 23 for 34, 234 yards, with 22 on the ground and the rushing TD. They grow up so fast!

The Patriots turned in an efficient 20-10 victory over the Buffalo Bills at Foxboro, thanks to suffocating defense and another sound performance from QB-elect Matt Cassel. Despite Buffalo missing their two biggest defensive threats, Cassel looked poised in the pocket, and comfortable expanding his range beyond high-percentage, dink-n-dunk passes. Good ball control, good time management, proficient execution, more selective and effective with using his legs. The game is really starting to slow down for Matty- his talents are starting to show through his clothes (time to switch to a moomoo). Wes Welker turned in another consistent performance- 10 receptions for 107, and set an NFL record with at least 6 receptions through the first 9 games. Love that scrappy bitch!

Rookie Running Back BenJarvus Green-Ellis executed the best performance of his young career- 26 attempts, 105 yards, and capped off the Patriots epic 19-play, 92-yard drive with a 6-yard rushing TD. That possession was the nail in the coffin for Buffalo, draining 9:08 off the clock in the 4th. BenJarvus, or “The Law Firm” as his teammates call per his 40 names, is really coming along- great cuts, down-field vision, ball security, he’s got it all. How the hell did we get this ridiculous depth in the backfield? All 5 of the roster’s RBs are sick!!!

The Defense is really heating up at the right time. They held the Bills to 60 rushing yards, 168 total yards, sacking and picking off Trent Edwards twice in the process. Seymour, Ty Warren, Vrabel, and Jerrod Mayo all brought the pressure. A classic bout of trench warfare where our Front 7 dominated. The only touchdown scored on the D came in junk time when a Buffalo kickoff return spotted the ball at the Patriots’ 8 yard line.

With the win, the Patriots sit atop the tightening AFC East at 6-3, with a 2-1 division record. Short week for the Pats, as they take on division rival 6-3 New York Jerks for a battle of first place. The Jets have been scorching hot on offense the last few weeks, and there should be plenty of fireworks on a short week of rest for both squads. I love slampig battles where everyone hates everyone- truly football at it’s finest!

The Cs followed suit and turned in their best defensive performance of this short season, downing the new-look Pistons at the Palace of Auburn Hills, 88-76. They allowed Detroit to shorten the gap in garbage time, but for 3 1/2 quarters the D put on a flat-out CLINIC per KG and Perk clogging inside lanes, and held the Pistons to 29 points in the first half (an ugly 34% shooting overall).

It helped that this was only AI’s second game with the team, and it was overly obvious that he lacked chemistry with his new teammates. Rondo dominated the AI match-up and ran a great floor, providing quick outlet passes for fast break strikes.

AI turned in a limp 10 point, 4 assist performance, on 4-11 from the field. Practice? PRACTICE??…oh, yea that actually might be a good thing.

The green got off to another slow start, trailing in the first quarter by 7 before the bench came in and bailed out the starters yet again. Hands down the story of the season has been the consistency and determination of the upstart bench, which so far is easily the best in the NBA.

SOPHOMORE SENSATIONS:

Leon has been an absolute beast underneath the basket this season. An undersized Power Forward, Leon has the ability and now the experience to take over a game every time he’s on the floor.

Big Baby Davis is really stepping it up and earning his minutes this season. I’m impressed with his intensity and quickness for his rotund stature, and find myself cringing a lot less when he attempts a jumper beyond 5 feet.

Um, Big…Sexy?

Tony Allen was the hero tonight, ball-hawking for a game-high 23 points in 27 minutes. Tony’s healthy and really coming into his own this season. He’s not forcing the situation, and taking higher-percentage shots through seeking out and driving lanes. TA shows incredible flashes of brilliance in the air- so quick, crafty, executing the occasional jaw-dropping acrobatic. He’s come a long way since last year’s brawl with Detroit, where his 3-pt foul blunder on Chauncy in the closing seconds led to one of their few regular season losses. Love the man but…Posey who?

Perk has simply taken his game to another level. You forget how young some of these guys are, and at the age of 24, Kendrick is performing like an all-star Center in the prime of his career. He plays angry, and is constantly coming down with boards of every kind. His shot-blocking timing and intensity is beyond words this season, turning in a season-high 7 blocks against the Bucks this past Friday. This is a picture of Perk looking elated with his play so far.

STARTING 5: Rondo, Ray-Ray, Pierce, KG, Perk
BENCH: Powe, Big Baby, Eddie House, Tony Allen (among other unproven, talented youngsters)

This team could be better than last year, how the fuck is that even possible!!!

And if 6-1 with even more potential isn’t enough, there’s rumors circulating around New England that the Celtics are interested in Antonio McDyess, a casualty of the Detroit-Denver trade. McDyess and Stuckey were the two bugs up the Cs ass in last years Conference Finals- you know what they say, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!

That said if they were to take a stab at Antonio, someone would have to go to free up a roster spot. Hmmm, who could that be?…

Time to phone home, E.T.

TWIBS QUIBS OF THE WEEK:

NESN announced a new TV anchor for Sportsdesk named Cole Wright. This guy is CSN broadcaster Donnie Marshall’s doppelganger. Talk about a copy cat league- those two rival networks are worse than facebook and myspace.

The Red Sox inducted a new class into their team hall of fame this week, and one of my favorite childhood players made the grade.

Who? None other than the original Big Papi, the Hit Dog…MR. MAURICE “MO” VAUGHN.

Mo was an absolute terror for opposing pitchers, and was clocking some Cooperstown-like years in Boston. He was THE threat, the big bat when you needed a clutch performance. 3-time allstar, 1995 league MVP, lifetime .293 hitter with 328 Homers and a shitload of RBIs. It broke my heart when he signed with Anaheim for an ungodly amount of moolah, and it was even more painful to watch his prolific career deteriorate due to a number of serious injuries. It’s too bad he didn’t stay and retire with the Sox, but the fact that he openly accepted returning to Beantown to be recognized as a franchise great makes my heart tingly like I just bumped a line of pure coke (…not like I would know, the worst I’ve ever done is large dose of cough syrup). You don’t understand how big I was on this guy, I even nicknamed my driver “Mo” as a kid (my 3-wood was “Jose Canseco” because it popped up more haha).

What a great end of the week for all three franchises. Both the Pats and Cs have huge tests in front of them- Celtics have a tolling 5 games in 6 days, and the Pats take on those damn Mangina-Jets on 3-day’s rest. Let’s ride the wave to 6 more Ws this week, C’MON!!

Very pleased, practically elated with the Presidential outcome. Like him or not, Obama is an educated, thoughtful and even-tempered politician, not to mention one of the best public speakers to ever grace a television screen.

His acceptance speech was monumental; a man who feels genuinely ready for the insurmountable task of turning this country around on so many levels. In the face of a historic crisis, there’s a promise worth believing as a progressive thinker now occupies the oval office.

It’s inspiring to see people across America, squirming in a bleak hour, join forces and publicly elect a regime change that can mend our society, and relationship with the world. There’s a feeling in the air that we’re entering a serious collective shift in consciousness. It’s going to be one hell of an uphill battle, but arrogantly fighting the fight is what this damn country is all about. I’m entering an age where it means a hell of a lot to me to prevent digging the hole any deeper, and passing on a big garbage dump to my children.

It’s a tall order, but tonight I believe we made an important first step in the right direction.

ON CALIFORNIA / MASSACHUSETTS LOCAL ELECTIONS:

1) CALI PROP 8: Gay Marriage Ban. As of the time of this post, looks very likely it will pass, and I am disgusted to be a voting citizen in this state. This is a giant civil step backwards for California. I think it’s ignorant, and believe I’m not alone in being shocked over this potential outcome.

2) CALI PROP 1A: High-Speed Rail from SF to LA. I voted no, but it’s leading to pass at 70% precincts reported. This state is broke as shit, a gigantic part of the nation’s credit problem- it makes complete sense to spend more money we don’t have to buy a kick-ass choo choo train. For the love of god please sink any available transportation money into solving the public transportation issue in LA first.

3) Repeal the Mass State Income Tax was rejected 70 to 30. I completely agree- that money circulates, churning the community (similar to Dunkin’ Donuts gift cards).

4) DECRIMINALIZE MARIJUANA passed big-time in Massachusetts. Anyone cited with possession under an ounce gets the equivalent of $100 parking ticket. This is the product of a young generation of voters, and a decision I didn’t see coming from that state any time soon. Devilishly progressive, hi-larious!

5) BAN DOG RACING passed, wiping out shitholes like Wonderland and Wrentham Race Track. I am all for treating animals less like abused circus clowns.

BIG DAY FOR MASS
BAD DAY FOR CALI
INSTANT HISTORY FOR AN AMERICAN PUBLIC IN SEARCH OF DIRECTION

Two men, elected leaders, working side by side to repair the image of the game. Remind you of anyone?

The Pats got edged out by the Colts today on ma 26th birthday, 18-15.

I should have wasted my birthday wish on a fucking pony instead.

This was an evenly-matched game through 3 1/2 quarters, but a few misplays and one ticky-tacky-but-dumb-personal foul by David Thomas basically blew the game for New England. It would’ve been way sweet to be 6-2 via winning on the road in Indy, but the stars weren’t aligned as missed opportunities helped the Pats beat themselves.

Cassel looked OK, but couldn’t come through on a few clutch plays. He wasn’t exactly helped by his receiving squad, especially Jabar Gaffney and his drop of a would-be go-ahead touchdown late in the game. Hard to win when you settle for a ton of field goals.

Can’t totally blame this one on Matt- everyone came up a little short in the loss

The defense delivered a bend-don’t-break performance, looking great against the run (allowing just 47 rushing yards on 21 carries) and held their own against Peyton, but gave up two long touchdown drives, both receptions by Anthony Gonzalez.

Yea yea, big must-win for the Colts. 4-4, Happy .500 losers

Maybe I’ve been watching a lot of horror movies lately, but I think Tony Dungy has the perfect look for a slasher movie franchise. They call him SKULLHEAD- he enters your house at night and whispers creepy, religiously-charged motivational speeches into your ear while you sleep!

Gonzo was the difference tonight- 4 recs for 55 yards and 2 of the game’s 3 TDs

The theme in most games this year is the offense’s inability to score touchdowns in the red zone, and tonight’s only non-field goal was a nice 6-yard rushing score by undrafted rookie free agent Benjarvus Green-Ellis.

This kid is doing a decent job filling in for injured RBs Sammy Morris and LaMont Jordan- he’s scored three rushing TDs in the last three games. Not bad for someone who made you scratch your head when you read their name on the final pre-season roster (”Hey, how many names this guy got?”)

Jab’s dropped TD, and Bill’s poorly-managed timeouts and missed challenges definitely contributed to this blown opportunity, but the biggest blunder of all was bonehead Tight End David Thomas’s unnecessary roughness 15-yard penalty that halted a promising, and pivotal drive, ending the Pats legit chances of stealing a sweet one in Indy. It wasn’t overly malicious, but it was a obvious tackle after the play was over directly in front of an official. Guess who’s about to have the worst Monday practice of his life.

Oh well, I guess you can’t win ‘em all.

The Celtics jumped in on this Indiancrapolis shit-party, losing to an improving Pacers team in lameo fashion, 79-95. Ever been to a shit-party? Trust me, they’re as gross as they sound.

After three games, the Big Three haven’t been consistent together yet. Ray-ray’s been flat as a pancake, and KG has had ups and downs offensively, but I’ll take 2-1 after going into Tuesday’s game against pre-season hype machine, the Houston Rockets.

My roomate Nolan bought the NBA season package for my birthday, so I’ll be seeing every single C’s game this season, yahoozin!

To my friends and family who helped make my 26th a relaxing and fun Sunday, I thank you kindly.

To the state of Indiana, thanks for taking a smash on my birthday cake. Please don’t make it 3 for 3 and help screw up Tuesday’s election!!

It’s a bird! It’s a plane!! Naw, it’s just Iceland filing for bankruptcy. Remember Superman, it’s what you do once you’re elected that decides your legacy. Now clean up our mess already?!

HERE’S TO A GREAT
REST OF 8!!

IT’S FINALLY HERE…the Celtics season-opener against the Cavs and the hallowed banner-raising ceremony for championship 17! I actually just shit my pants with excitement!!

There was all this talk before the game of how the Celtics were fully aware of the slow start championship teams have after the banner and ring ceremony, and the players and staff attested that they should have things under control and focused by tip off…

CUT TO Paul Pierce balling his eyes directly out of his skull.

I mean it’s 1000% understandable, this guy’s been a journeyman, undervalued and unappreciated for 10 years.

Then the Celtics greats (Havlicek, Cousy, Jo-Jo, Tommy, Max to name a few) proceed onto the parquet to greet Pierce with the NBA trophy in hand, and Paul absolutely loses it.

This is a guy who’s 5th all-time in Celtics scoring, but never mentioned in the same breath as Bird, Russell, Cous, etc. Tonight he finally gets validated and welcomed with open arms into the exclusive fraternity of legend Green.

The banner raising and ring ceremony was quite emotional all around. Watching the first banner since ‘86 slowly ascend to the rafters, with the team you fell in love with pulling the strings- it was just flat-out breath-taking and special (despite “Beautiful Day” by U2 blaring in the loudspeaker).

BTW the rings- $30K diamond encrusted, breath-taking. In the days of a recession, there’s nothing like multi-millionaires receiving expensive gifts. U S A! U S A!!

THEN you realize they have to actually play a game and they’re probably fucked in that respect. I mean, Pierce was STREAMING tears, how the hell is he going to matchup against a pissed-off LeBron??

And the game started, and indeed there was a gigantic ceremony hangover hindering a smooth beginning to the season. Besides two early dunks by Pierce and KG, the Celtics were incredibly flat from the field and on D. After the first half, everyone except Pierce (who would expect??) played ridiculously sloppy, but the Celts only trailed by 7.

After the half, the C’s busted out of the gate and surged to take the lead literally 5 minutes into the 3rd quarter. The overall defense kicked it up a gear, holding Cleveland to only 35 points in the entire 2nd half. Doc and the staff handle half-time adjustments as good as BB and the Patriots do, I tell you what!

Pierce was simply electric throughout the game. He was having his way on offense against King James, scoring a game-high 27 and hitting it from wherever he pleased. LeBron walked away with 22, but Pierce did a great job to contain him all the way.

Besides Paul’s heroic effort on a historic night, Rondo had a solid game with 14 pts, 5 assists, 6 rebounds and 3 steals. Once everyone gets comfortable and in a groove during the regular season, this guy has the potential to make the all-NBA team. One little downside from his play was how hard he was getting hit. Rondo ended up slamming to the floor like a crash test dummy a good 4 times, and that will surely catch up to him if he’s not a little more careful protecting his body- he gets smacked harder than Tina Turner!!

One guy who doesn’t need to worry about his frame is LEON POWE, who off the bench was the difference in tonight’s victory. Leon had 13 BIG time points, including a few monster dunks a la last post season. Powe has arrived, and I think this year, the league will be a little more than aware of his presence.

Leon power-dunks over former Celtics-weirdo Delonte West. The Cs indeed have young guns: Rondo stepping up, and Leon providing consistency to his big-time game…these guys really could be better than last year’s team (g’head and piss your pants, it’s that cool!)

Another benchie with a decent performance was Tony Allen with 11 points, and some pretty executed drives and jumpers to boot. It’s all in Tony’s scrambled brain, and if he can line up the dominoes, TA could also be an important piece to the puzzle if these guys really hope to two-peat.

KG had a slow start to the season, hitting 5-15 from the field with 11 points. He said himself that he had a really slow start due to the emotions in the Garden, and he definitely deserves a pass all considering. KG played big minutes, as did Ray-Ray who was also ice-cold.

But it didn’t matter because in the end Pierce, the bench and the D stepped it up and sealed off a magical night on a good note.

The Celtics are back and the mission to solidify their rank in Celtics history with back-to-back titles begins. Kiss the next 8 months of your free time goodbye, god knows I am!!

The Patriots gutted out a back-and-forth battle with the resurging St. Louis Rams in Foxboro on Sunday, and our beloved cromagnum boy wonder Matty Cassel lead a 4th quarter comeback to seal the victory in mildly dramatic fashion, 23-16.

After 7 games, the Patriots are 5-2.

Huh.

Hmmph.

Oh. Really?

….WAHOOO!!

These victories ain’t the prettiest I’ve seen as a New England fan, but a win’s a win, and coupled with Buffalo’s loss to the Miami Dolphins-Wildcats (the college and professional franchises eloped this season), we’re currently tied for first in the AFC East.

Can someone, ANYONE explain to me what the hell is going down in the NFL circa 2008??

We’re used to superstars, frontrunners, dark horses, and every other cliche sports phrase I’m omitting.

Is it just me or will every single team in the league somehow finish the regular season with an 8-8 record? Heck I wouldn’t be surprised if a few 7-9 teams made the playoffs!

And I thought this was going to be a reevaluating year for the franchise after losing Superman in the first quarter of the season opener.

Not this Superman, the one that kicks the shit out of him at the famed Junkyard fight.

And I thought Matt Cassel had already plateaued as a professional in week 2. The devastating Dolphins loss felt like a beacon of things to expect for the remainder of the schedule, but as a team they’ve continued to gut victories out left and right. And we now know those two losses were fairly unavoidable- Miami has been trouncing good teams with their two-back, no-QB spread formations, and San Diego needed to crap the Patriots out while they could to avenge multiple big game defeats over the past 5 years.

Then they make the Broncos look silly on MNF, then quell the used-to-be-laughable-three-games-ago-turned-playoff-contender St. Louis squad through exercising the gutty team-oriented Patriots spirit of years past.

Any regime change, no matter how temporary, is a hard pill to swallow. I feel like I was cursing out the replacement of our loveable blockhead Drew Bledsoe with undrafted sophomore Tom Brady in similar fashion to my Cassel-bashing. Don’t get me wrong- he’s no future supermodel-sexing league MVP, but Matty keeps proving media and fanatics wrong by inching his way into a serviceable quarterback and game-manager.

And after 7 games, the Patriots are 5-2.

With Sammy Morris, LaMont Jordan sidelined, and Lawrence Ma-phony out for the year, our two options at back entering Sunday’s game were rookie Ben-Jarvus Green-Ellis, and recipient of the newly-inherited title of Mr. Patriot (fresh from the vice grip of retired Troy Brown)- KEVIN FAULK.

And with the aid of a B+ Matt Cassel performance, Randy Moss running routes over the middle (7 recs, 102 yds) and sound defensive play, Kevin essentially won the game with his Marshall Faulk-esque day.

Kev’s game winning 15-yard TD reception- a decently-tossed ball helped out by shotty defensive coverage. 13 carries for 60 yards, 4 receptions for 47 and a touchdown…I hope Faulk plays for this team until he’s 84- gotta love clutch journeymen!!

There’s a reason Kevin’s Sunday performance, and many others have resembled Rams’ great Marshall Faulk- they often discussed Xs and 0s while sharing a popsicle at the kids table growing up.

So Matt’s coming around, and the team is gelling around him despite a depleted secondary and back field. The coaching staff is showing off their balls, and scheming well-executed game plans to edge their opponents.

And after 7 games, the Patriots are 5-2.

They’re right, WE’RE SPOILED ASSHOLES.

As Patriots fans, we flip-flop more than the New England weather.

I always love this team, but after a seven year nothing-but-winning mentality beaten into my brains, and after a year where they almost execute the most perfect season in sports history, I guess the bar is set pretty fucking high for these guys to hurdle over.

But as the season progresses and the dust settles, the truth of the matter is this 2008 team maintains the same solid foundation the franchise has built over the last decade- solid coaching, talented role players who know and execute their job, and a continued winning mentality.

So no matter what happens for the rest of the season, it’s comforting to know that these guys are pros, and fight tooth and nail to scrape out victories any way possible.

Like I said, it’s a little hard remembering the days when this team only squeaked out Ws by a 3-point margin (…two years ago), but the days of blowing teams out by 50 are long gone, and a dubbayah’s still a dubbayah any way you slice it.

SO THE WORLD SERIES- My roommate is Philly born and raised, his dad is the radio announcer of the Eagles broadcast and he’s as much of a Philly sports nut as we are for Boston. So ever since losing to MENSA jackhole Joe Maddon and his pupils from Tampa Bay in the ALCS, I’ve been thoroughly enjoying the Philadelphia bandwagon in this World Series.

It feels to me like the young Rays squad has already won their personal championship by beating the Red Sox- their pitching is pedestrian compared to their ALCS performance, and their big bats are producing less than Jamie Moyer is from his severe stomach virus (and somehow what they’re producing is smellier and shittier if that’s possible).

So going into tonight’s game 5, the Phills are one victory away from clinching their first major sports victory the town has seen in 25 years, and only their second World Series title in the past 126 years (FKA Philadelphia Quakers).

I’m really happy for Nolan and other Philadelphia fans- that city has so much pent aggression and harbors so much negativity that they could really use a release to lighten the mood in that crappy little state.

If the Phillies hold on and win tonight, I’m probably getting dragged to The Shack in Santa Monica- a poor man’s Sonny McLean’s located directly across the street from it.

The Shack normally plays the role of spill-over bar from Sonny’s surplus crowd celebrating one of their 800 recent championships, but tonight, God willing, Philly gets its well-deserved moment in the sun…and will shut the hell up and be happy for at least a week.

…ROAD GAME IN INDY NEXT WEEK ON MY BIRTHDAY. We’ll have to see if 26 starts out on a pleasant or oh-so-painful note.

As Frank in Gloucester would say, “CIAO”.

I forgot they were doing this.

Then I throw the 3:30pm Sports Tonight on the tivo.

I watch the intro and immediately think, “This is Boston sports entertainment at its finest.”

These guys are broadcasting live from the home base of their parent company, Mohegan Sun casino in Connecticut.

I am about to watch a half-hour gambling casino infomercial presented through my favorite local sports show.

That says to me do a running blog entry (Big Happy would appreciate this):

- Felger awkwardly reads off cue cards, a departure from the every-day teleprompter.

- Tanguay ties calling Dickerson “Parrothead” to the Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville parrot. Did he write that? Who wrote that? What a classically tasteful insult.

Tonight Tanguay sells the overpriced chain bar/resturant better than his cardboardish counterpart could. He’s not thrilled, but doing his best television charm to hype energy into the title card.

- Production has them sitting on high chairs (different from highchairs) as they discuss Tom Brady’s shitty potential do-over knee surgery.

Boston is losing the surgeries now as well.

…and in the process created a Boston / LA medicine rivalry.

-they interview the Celtics Team Physician about Brady’s surgery goof. CSN has deals with the Herald, WEEI, Troy Brown and now Mass General.

Brian D. McKeon, MD

- this Celtics doctor seems like an amusingly old New England frat guy to me. And I can’t understand a word this frat guy is saying.

- Rodney’s injury. This is a tough subject for me. Basically because its regarding my favorite Patriot-turned-injured old guy. And this past MNF injury will most likely ending his career. At least Meriweather is filling in and has the potential to be an exciting safety.

-great Gary use of the classic phrase “Necessity is the mother of invention” concerning safety depth. Pats news is pretty damn recycled by Thursday.

- Tanguay awkwardly dribbles “O I R” when he meant to say IR or injured reserved. Those goddamn cue cards messin’ up the KOBB (King of Boston Broadcasting).

- right as they’re about to lose me, cut directly to one of the Mohegan Sun Musical Advertisments.

This campaign is, in my opinion, in the pantheon of classic New England business commercials- Jordan’s Furniture, Bernie & Phyl’s, hundreds of other furniture spots.

This musical production is a spoof of Rick James’s Super Freak. They also do My Sherona “ma ma ma miieee Mo-hegan!!!). These are full-on, maximum-potential New England commercial productions brimming with sassy, hip gambling types dancing choreograph, and having the time of their lives.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Mohegan Musical Trilogy:

AT THE SUN

MA-MA-MA-MIIEE-MO-HEGAN!!!

EVERYONE’S INVITED

Do yourself a favor and never play all three at once.

- the guys interview essentially their big boss Mitchell Etess, President of Mohegan sun to promote the opening of their new wing, “Casino of the Wind” (…what the hell does that mean).

-Tanguay is up to his old self-deprecating tricks, “These guys call me Cheapest Man Alive” because he doesn’t gamble. Don’t know about you, but I find it honorable when people don’t gamble. But he claims to visit the Sun with his wife multiple times per year because the casino offers enough to keep him entertained without having to gamble. You know, grab a round of golf then get a ca-ca-caaah-puccino! Tanguay is like Martin Short - get ‘em in front of a camera and they’re the consumate professional salesman.

- of course Felger is a gambling addict, I wouldn’t be surprised if he and Dickerson and Gresh do secret casino trips together.

- Ironically our guest Etess is a Yankee fan. This feels like a road production- the Prez’s close is a full-on profile shot. He actually seems like a nice guy.

Goddamn it I kinda want to go to Mohegan Sun when I go home in December. I mean, what better way to bail out of a personalized recession. Double or nothin! (or as Nicholas Cage mutters in that Nick Cage way, “Snake Eyes…house wins.”)

- Tanguay is kind of flipping out at this place.

- cut to that New Balance bizarrely sexually-charged, three-character running shoe commercial.

When you tivo a daily cable show from 3,000 miles away, you tend to memorize their 7 New England commercials.

-New England Tailgate. Appropriately sponsored by Jack Daniel’s Old No. 7. (NESN can only land original program backing from Mickey’s hand grenades).

Ordway, DeOssie, and Fred Smerlas do another show together. These three Masshats do everything together.

Fred and Steve on a motorcycle built for two

I really don’t want to know what else those three do during the week together.

- Beckett called his painkilling injections “chemistry”. Why do I find that clever.

- Dickerson sighting. He totally looks like he just came back from 7 straight hours of gambling. You know he slept there overnight for the production.

- a classic Dickerson rant about a sport he doesn’t cover. “Sox losing ALCS Game 7 is a better outcome”. Dickerson blowing peoples minds with self-coined phrases- he’s lobbying for a t-shirt line. Felger is rightfully burying Dickerson’s comments. The producers know there’s crazy tension between these three on camera, and yet they throw them in the cage together like Jerry Springer.

- gotta hand it to Greg when it comes to the C’s. he’s so close with the team that he has good insight. Very bias, filled with Greg mugging, but credible.

- Dickerson: “Is that what this show is reduced to? a bunch of grab-ass?” What a hilariously entertaining chip that guy’s shoulder.

- I wish I were on the East coast to explore Dunkin’ Donut’s secret Celtics season-opener ticket contest called “Find the Truth”. Apparently the Truth is missing. He better not be stabbed again.

We got a 10-57 here at Dunkin’ Donuts, over.

- Dickerson’s new CSN intro- it looks like he’s reading “I’m Greg Dickerson” off a cue card.

-overall broadcast is a bit of a mess, but in an endearing way. promo for “Manny Being Manny on CSN”. First rate clip-show programming. Man Ram’s considering a 2-year, $55 million with LA. Manny talk, the Paris Hilton gossip-rag of sporting news.

AND tonight they’re broadcasting from Mohegan Sun again to pitch Thursday poker night.

- Tanguay comments that Gresh is already eating at Mohegan’s buffet. Felger wants to see Gresh and Dickerson at the poker table- see I knew the Phil Helmuth of Sports Media has the desire to knock the shit out of his co-hosts in a hold’em game.

Uncanny on so many levels.

-guys sign off by thanking Mohegan Sun. “Thanks Dad.”

- my tivo freezes to a halt on the Fisher snowplow kid screaming “Holy Snowplow!!”

Well, that was interesting. I think I should skip the late edition- that might make me throw up then play online poker.

On an unrelated note, this is who I’m going as for halloween…

Also sponsored by Jack Daniels Ol’ No. 7

Congratulations to the Red Sox for fighting through a season of adversity, and for kicking and screaming all the way to an ALCS Game 7.

No Mikey Lowell, injured Beckett, Everyday Mark Kotsay- these guys overcame a lot of odds down the stretch, and were two innings away from another improbable World Series birth.. but those damn Rays held them off just long enough- the story of the entire season.

I felt winning the ALDS over Anaheim was victory enough for this squad, but to go the distance and give themselves a chance was over and beyond, despite being the defending champs. Hats off to the Rays for pushing through to the next level, and hats off to the Boston bums for a very entertaining season. Now hurry up and get surgeries already!!!

Garza’s gem, Longoria, BJ Upton smacking homers out of his asshole, Brainiac Joe Maddon…hate to say it but these guys are young, hungry and deserve the victory.

Time to clean out your Cubby, Kid.

Iwamura- one of many annoyingly great role players to step up for Tampa

End of the road. Last stop. Last Train to Sucksville. Bye Mike.

(How many days until Pitchers and Catchers report?)

…I’M CRINGING TO TURN ON MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL with the Pats at home taking on Shanahan’s Denver Broncos.

I like when Shanahan plays Belichick.
I squirm when thinking of Matt huh? Cassel.
I erased last week’s loss to San Diego from my brain.
Oh shit I just remembered how shitty this team is.

…then the Pats take on a crippled Broncos team and beat their brains 41-7. WE’LL TAKE IT.

The Broncos Defense takes the D out of Denver.

The Enver Broncos.

Sammy Morris is still running down Route 1A, and when Matty wasn’t busy faceplanting in the grass, he looked formidable completing 3 TD receptions (two to RANDY baby).

Convenient, but still…who let the drunk Viking from Maine in the stadium?

Before the game it was announced that 2006 shit-pick Lawrence Maroney is out for the rest of the season.

I can’t say I’m all that upset over this. Time is running short on Larry’s professional career, and as long as our four other running backs (yes, Ben-Jarvis Green-Ellis) are healthy and pounding da rock- honestly, who gives a shit!

The Patriots just won’t let me make a decision about them.

Do I hate them?
Do I root for playoffs or draft picks??
Am I really stuck with Matt Cassel???

BLAH!!!! Continue to win by any means necessary and I’ll continue to squirm.